Keep your heart intact.

The Med Life

Today, I had my first true med school examination. I say true because the exam earlier was technically our second, but then the first exam we had last, last week was on the principles and perspectives of medicine, hence it was not the typical deadly-med school-exam kind yet. The one that we had today was though, and as one of my classmates put it, "You can never be prepared for it (the exam, or any med school exam for that matter), you just run out of time studying."

I know I wasn't able to prepare enough. I'm still trying to figure out the perfect study habits and finding out the best way to keep myself awake to study. Yes, four years in college and I still wasn't able to discover my optimal studying behavior because I am kalat-kalat like that. But med school's an all new academic world, and I'm absolutely sure that I have to put myself and my studying habits together soon or else I'll suffer the consequences.

Anyway, with the exams (we actually had two exams today, one lecture exam and one for histology lab) over now, the weight of becoming a doctor is now more real to me than ever. When I decided to pursue medicine, I certainly had an idea of what I'm getting myself into, but having my first dose of med school life right here and right now opened my eyes.

This is the life you chose, Bea.

You wanted this.

This is your dream.

It is indeed difficult and tiring, stressful and draining, and it will be like that for almost forever.

But you will survive. You will survive because you are for this.

Always think about why you are here and why you chose this life.

It's about love. It's about saving lives.

So no matter how many times you doubt yourself and your decision, no matter how many times you will get burned out and will want to give up, remember that it is all worth it in the end.

Remember that you're going to be a good doctor someday, and you'll be able to cure and help--just like you always dreamed of.

Okay, monologue done. Yay because I feel med-happy and inspired again :)

For the past weeks, it was all about studying, learning, studying, information overload, and studying, studying, studying (and some lazy moments here and there) that it came to a point that the stress and fatigue were overshadowing the zest that I have for medicine (to think that I'm not even halfway through my first sem). I need regular moments of reassurance like this to keep me on track and to remind me why I decided to take this crazily tedious path. Back to studying and learning not because I have to but because I want to. Everything would really be worth it in the end.

A lot of things have changed since I entered med school, some for the better and unfortunately, some for the worse. Here are some of my discoveries, realizations, and musings so far:

• I missed wearing uniform everyday. No more tardiness due to early morning attire indecisiveness!
• How to perk up the white uniform monotony? Fashionable shoes and jackets/cardigans/hoodies!
• But our uniform, without our nameplates on it, makes us look like yayas or caregivers. Haha.
• Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo is the study place to be. Cheap coffee. Cheap donuts. Cool, pleasant, and quiet ambiance. The only thing I don't like about the place is the lack of outlets. I can't study my medical ebooks there, boo.
• Too much donuts (trans fat much huhu) and coffee is taking its toll, though, and it's taking it's toll on my already large thighs fast. Bigger boo.
• Getting fat = a no-no when wearing uniform. My uniform is now a bit tight here and there and I hate it.
• In non-uniform and non-fatness news, I realized that in medicine, you really have to study study study to understand everything. Day in, day out. The amount of information is just so immense, you'll be eating medical concepts and terms three meals a day.
• The ideal study habit: Study for tomorrow's topic the night before, review notes/trans every after lecture. I will try to apply this starting tomorrow. Wish me luck.
• Medical school is so expensive, and it's not just the tuiton and the books. The endless transes and photocopied materials, the equipment, the highlighters and post-its, the food, the coffee and energy drinks.. Ang sakit-sakit lang sa bulsa.
• I realized that if I didn't enter med school, I would be earning my own money now. But here I am, still living on my parents' and brothers' support. And it'll still be like this for the next five years. Hay.
• I love how we have amazing, awesome doctors (both MD and PhD) as teachers! It's such a privilege to learn from great people who are leading in their respective fields and specialties.
• Having my med school pals around makes every toxic day a happy day :)
• And lastly, ice does wonders on facial pores and eye bags! Hihi.

If You're Happy And You Know it

So med school has been gradually killing me, hence the long hiatus. Almost four weeks has passed since I entered the so-called "doors of learning" of medicine, and although I am drained and stressed and eye-bagged, despite my occasional complaints and claims of frustration, I do think that I am where I should be. I can say that I am happy where I am right now :)

Gustatory Pleasure

I think that jogging in the morning is the proper way to start the day for me. One, I'm up early. Two, I get to enjoy the cool breeze during or just after sunrise and hear the pleasant chirps of birds, instead of waking up and being greeted by mid-morning heat, pollution and traffic. Three, the feeling afterwards is incredibly refreshing (which I already blogged about in an earlier entry). And most importantly, I get to burn the fat that's inadvertently accumulating in all the wrong places of my body. Ugh.

I was able to do two laps of jog-walk around the Ultra and St. Paul. My heart raced and pulsated wildly, and I got kind of dizzy afterwards. I was drenched in my own sweat, my cheeks--my whole face, even--flushed by the increase in my body's blood circulation. I look horrendous after, but at least, I'm horrendously fitter. Haha.

Anyway, my main motivation for today's jog was to burn the calories I gained from eating at Charlie's Burgers in Brgy. Kapitolyo, Pasig. My friend Ivan treated me to a scrumptious meal of Black Angus burger with french fries. It was my first time to eat there and boy, was I satisfied with the food! The burger was not greasy nor fatty in appearance and taste. I don't know if the burger patty was grilled or fried, but I did not get a hint of distasteful oiliness out of it, unlike other sinful burgers around. The lettuce, tomatoes, onion, and potatoes were also fresh. In other words, the food was simply mouth-watering and delicious. Nomnom.

The store space and ambiance, however, were not as good. It was beside a car wash, and the noise from cleaning cars was not at all delightful to the ears. The swish-swash and black-plack sounds were even startling at times.

Also, the space was really small. It was literally jam packed with people. We had to stand and wait for around 15 minutes to get a table. When we did get one, we were almost elbow to elbow with the people seated on the tables on either sides of ours. Their comfort rooms and condiments were great, nonetheless. And honestly, the food was really worth all the trouble. Now I know what the rave on Charlie's Burgers is all about. My rating? 4/5 hearts (yes, hearts. I like them better than stars hihi).

I didn't get to finish my meal though because it was so heavy and filling, so I took it home and gave it to my brother. He was one happy teenage boy. My air-conditioned room smelled like cow meat afterwards.

Off to devour another burger at Brothers Burger Megamall later. They're having a 50% discount on their burgers today! That's another two laps of jogging for me tomorrow, but yay to good (and cheap) food!

For breakfast, we had pancakes with maple syrup and bacon. I wish we also had warm tea served in cute porcelain tea cups, to complete our makeshift English morning, hee.

Soak up the Sun

Ah, the long-awaited beach trip of my summer vacation and the reason for my two-week diet and pseudo-workout regimen (which didn't really produce much results)--the UP PsychSoc Kick-off 2010.

The kick-off was definitely the best way to destress after one busy and draining summer semester at ADMU and ASMPH. And of course, I loved being with my orgmates who made my four years in UP fun-filled, memorable, and awesome. I missed them because admittedly, I wasn't as active as I should be in PsychSoc because of my Mandala responsibilities. Still, PsychSoc defined my UP life in tremendous ways, ways that I am very thankful for.

I actually can't believe that I'm now a VOPS (Veteran Of PsychSoc) and not a POPS (People Of PsychSoc) anymore. PsychSoc was my first home in UP, and without it, I would not be who I am today. It brought me out of my shell. It pushed me to do more and show my talents. Most importantly, it introduced me to cool, dedicated, fun (and grade-conscious haha) people who made my life crazily hectic yet wonderful.

For this year's kick-off, we went to Bakasyunan Resort in Iba, Zambales last May 22-23. The nice things about the place? The free two-hour videoke, free one-hour kayaking, the public trampoline, and the rock-less beach bottom! The kick-off was great in itself; I enjoyed the booze, the sweet tokens for us kickees (AKA recently graduated members), Migo's supply of Skittles and Lifesavers Gummies, the company, the good times, the laughter. Thank you so much, VOPS and POPS!

With Marge the Large!

Lovely South girls that I will surely miss: Reg, Ate Khat, and Marge.

The sand was not white, but the place was still nice.

Reg getting baked. I love the print on her bikini!

Migo not getting a tan, so he just goofed around. Haha.

Reg, on the other hand, became sunkissed.

One of my forever PsychSoc loves, Reg.

Migo's kayak team. Too bad we didn't have a picture of ours :(

Abandon ship!

Mico, my phonepal! I will never forget that super random phone call. Haha.

Although I didn't get a proper tan, finally being able to hit the beach was refreshing. But I do hope I could go to the beach one last time before med school starts. I shall keep my fingers crossed.

Run

So I just ran one lap around Ultra and St. Paul. I am drenching wet, the taste of the salinity of my sweat playing with my taste buds as it seeps across my eyebrows and in between my lips. It feels so good--so alive, even--to be perspiring this much, as if a long-repressed sense of determination in life has revived itself in me. I never thought that I would have the will power to actually pull my lazy ass off the bed at 6 o'clock in the morning for something not related to school or orgs, change into some decent active wear, tie my shoe laces, stretch and do jumping jacks for 15 minutes, go out our front door, and run. I have recently developed an avoidance to any physical activity that triggers my sweat glands and I am continually seeking confines with an air conditioner or electric fan that could take me away from this unbearable heat, but hey, I did it. After a year of not jogging, I jogged. Hooray hooray!

I do exercise here at home, though. Those YouTube Pilates and 8-minute abs workouts are actually very beneficial. Yet running is different; for me, it brings a certain high and satisfaction. Going out there, running with the wind (and the early morning cars and passers by), hearing your heartbeat banging in your chest and resounding in your ears, having perspiration reek off your skin, and being able to drag yourself into finishing that one stretch--it takes a whole different effort. Aside from that, it can boost and energize a person in an all different level. I missed feeling so physically powerful (even though I am honestly pretty weak) and in control.

I know I should do this more often. With med school just less than three weeks away, I should really prepare myself both mentally and physically. I hope tomorrow is another bright, sunny day to go out and jog again.