Burned Out?

You feel like you are burnt out or that you are on the verge of burning out, but in reality you are on the verge of deciding whether or not you will burn out. It's scary to acknowledge that it's a decision because it puts the onus on you to do something about it, but it's empowering because it means there is something you can do about it.

2012

Before we start a new year, it's always good to look back and reflect on the year that was. So I looked back and reflected, and I think that 2011 has been the most difficult year for me to date. I faced a lot of challenges--some of which were totally my fault while some were out of my control. I really had a hard time accepting failures and mistakes. I also realized a lot about my self that I need to work on. In retrospect, I never imagined this past year to be as whirlwind-like as it was.

But towards the end of 2011, I found a certain level of peace. I learned to acknowledge my wrongdoings and flaws, and I'm in the process of accepting these so that I could let them go or do something about them. I know that doing these will remain to be a challenge, but I believe I'll get over things eventually. With the help of the people I love and who love me back plus a lot of growing up, I'll be okay.

But don't get me wrong; although 2011 has been crazy difficult, there were loads of ups as well. All in all, there were a lot of scars, but a lot of smiles came with it, too.

Now, the annual year-ender survey:

1. What did you do in 2011 that you've never done before?

Used up one entire planner for the year. Circumcised. Became an Atenean scholar. Drank Milk Tea (and got hooked on it). Went on a road trip to Batangas with my dear friends (despite my parents' disapproval). Drank a mojito. Became an NMAT volunteer for ASMPH. Had my hair permed. Tried Zumba (and got hooked on it, too!). Worked for a politics-oriented NGO. Met Manny Pacquiao in person. Spent hours and days inside the Batasang Pambansa. Rubbed elbows with big Politicians and celebrities. Became an audience in one episode of a TV show. Brought a loved one to the ER (panicking). Ate chocolate with green mango and salt. Was absent for a major exam. Ate a ginormous burger with med friends. Got a part-time job. Used entirely my own money to buy my friends and family gifts for Christmas. Won in a big-time raffle for concert tickets, complete with VIP perks. Saw Taylor Swift perform live (and almost cried in happiness). Did a mini photography gig. Sought non-medical advice from a doctor. Got my mom an autograph from her idol. Commuted to EK. Joined a drinking game. Actually hated someone. Got a Starbucks planner without buying even one drink (I love you, Kima!). Understood what real love is (00 na, cheesy haha). Got my student driving permit. Tried to drive a car.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Sadly, I weren't able to keep all my 2011 resolutions. Fail. Hahaha. But I plan on making some for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not super close, but some HS batchmates and orgmates gave birth to lovely babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. AGAIN :(

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

An iPad, oven and camera please? Haha. But on a less materialistic note, more self-confidence, self-discipline and self-efficacy (just like last year). And more strength to face my fears and my flaws.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

• OMGOMGOMG winning tickets to Taylor Swift's Manila concert and the entire concert experience! Highlight of my year!
• Pyrolympics <3
• Finding out that my scholarship application was approved :')
• When those sweet words were said. Finally :)
• Was that August 2, when I made a super booboo? Hahaha. Sorry na, Borbs! :p
• My 22nd birthday
• Noche Buena
• November 29-30 with Tgang love! Sampalan + 9gag drinking board game + wish lanterns + Nutella + forever friends = bonding like no other :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a scholarship, hands down. It was the best blessing of 2011 for me and my family.

9. What was your biggest failure?

A loooot. Of course there's acad-related failures; then there's more personal ones. I'd rather not discuss the latter here.

10. Did you suffer any illness of injury?

Terrible bouts of dysmenorrhea ever month and some problems here and there.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Again, med books? Haha. And the Adarna children books and journals that I added to my prized collections :) Also, I discovered the thin, yellow Sharpie highlighter and the blue green Stabilo highlighter, which I love to use now!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My HS kada, my med school pals, and most of all, Borbs :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

ATE JONI @$#%!* Hahaha. Ka-bwisit. And some people I'd rather not name.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Like last year, on transes, highlighters, photocopies, med school reviewers and books. But instead of Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, I consumed a lot of Milk Tea, Cobra, Bacchus and Nescafe Espresso Roast--a bit cheaper but still unhealthy. Haha.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Semestral break and Christmas break! Hahaha. --EXACTLYYY! And the summer escapade with my HS kada and that sembreak EK trip.

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2011?

Party Rock Anthem, Super Bass and Love on Top! Hahaha.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? - Unfortunately, sadder. But I'm more hopeful.

Richer or poorer? - Poorer? But I'll be getting my pay soon, so richer na din siguro. Haha.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Praying. Spending time with my family and friends. Studying with real understanding.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressing out, procrastinating and worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Spent it with my dear family, as usual. We had a simple yet happy Noche Buena :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Stayed in love :)

22. How many one-night stands?

Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Still Grey's Anatomy, HIMYM, The Big Bang Theory. The new additions were Modern Family and New Girl.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Same as #13.

25. What was the best book you read?

Robbins and Contrans Pathologic Basis of Disease 6e. Haha. Plus I'm reading One Day and I'm loving it.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Nicki Minaj! I memorized Super Bass. Haha.

27. What did you want and got?

Shoes? Haha. Seriously, my med school scholarship that our family badly needed :')

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hmm, I didn't get to watch a lot of movies, but I loved Tangled, Crazy, Stupid Love and The Immortals!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 22! It was a normal school day that my friends and family made extra special. After a lunch meeting on the 4th floor, my med pals were waiting for me on the 3rd floor to surprise me. There were gifts, cakes, flowers and yummy sisig and rice! Sadly, I had to rush back to our room on the 2nd floor because our group was the one in charge to transcribe the lecture. My friends were left on the third floor "celebrating" my birthday while I was typing my heart out in class. Haha. Then, my family and I went out for dinner at North Park. Even my Dad and brother Jay drove from Tanay to Pasig on a weekday to celebrate my birthday with me, so I was really happy that we were complete. I love my friends and family :)

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not necessarily more satisfying, but happier, I guess? Having my Dad well.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010.

Loud colors. Tucked-in tops. Shorts. Polos. Florals. Stripes. Casual vintage, basically. --SAME. It seems that my fashion did not grow a bit. Haha.

32. What kept you sane?

Not just what but who, too. My family and friends. Borbs. The idea that tomorrow will always be a brighter day.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Like the past years, I love Rachel Bilson, Kate Beckinsale, Anne Curtis, Rachel Adams, Taylor Swift, Jessica Alba, Scarlet Johansson, Kate Bosworth, and Anne Hathaway. Plus Rhian Ramos when she spoofed Super Bass and Victoria's Secrets hotties like Miranda Kerr.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The RH bill.

35. Who did you miss?

My college and HS friends!

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Hmm, this is hard. I met a number of new friends, but I guess the best were my Blue Platito and SCOPE orgmates plus Jacq and Jill Pardo from PLM.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

There were a LOT of valuable life lessons! But one quote that somehow captures everything is this: "I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it."

38. Quote a song lyric that sums ups your year.

I loved Videoke-singing this song during the break: "Even if there is pain now, everything will be alright for as long as the world still turns there will be night and day. Can you hear me? There's a rainbow always after the rain."

I end this post with another quote:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." -Neil Gaiman

2012 will be exciting and meaningful, I know it :)

Why A Medical Profession?

Reposted from one of my old blogs:

Simple lang 'yan. Medicine is not for everyone talaga. Ilan ilang tao lang ang dapat maging doktor.

Kung gusto mo mag-abroad, mag-nursing ka.
Kung gusto mo maging prestigious, mag-politics ka.
Kung gusto mo sumikat, mag-artista ka.
Kung gusto mo yumaman, mag-business ka.

Pero kung gusto mo talaga maging manggagamot sa kabila nang lahat, kung gusto mo talaga tumulong sa kapwa mong maysakit, kung alam mo na wala kang ibang gustong gawin kundi magdoktor, kung alam mo matalino at matiyaga ka, at kayang bayaran ng magulang mo ang matrikula mo, mag-medisina ka. Kung kaya mong maghirap, magpuyat, magsakripisyo ng 10 taon mahigit, mag-medisina ka. Kung ayaw mo, huwag mo, at huwag magpapilit sa magulang.

-eclipse83, Peyups forum

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for.

-from "You Are Jeff," by Richard Siken