2012

Before we start a new year, it's always good to look back and reflect on the year that was. So I looked back and reflected, and I think that 2011 has been the most difficult year for me to date. I faced a lot of challenges--some of which were totally my fault while some were out of my control. I really had a hard time accepting failures and mistakes. I also realized a lot about my self that I need to work on. In retrospect, I never imagined this past year to be as whirlwind-like as it was.

But towards the end of 2011, I found a certain level of peace. I learned to acknowledge my wrongdoings and flaws, and I'm in the process of accepting these so that I could let them go or do something about them. I know that doing these will remain to be a challenge, but I believe I'll get over things eventually. With the help of the people I love and who love me back plus a lot of growing up, I'll be okay.

But don't get me wrong; although 2011 has been crazy difficult, there were loads of ups as well. All in all, there were a lot of scars, but a lot of smiles came with it, too.

Now, the annual year-ender survey:

1. What did you do in 2011 that you've never done before?

Used up one entire planner for the year. Circumcised. Became an Atenean scholar. Drank Milk Tea (and got hooked on it). Went on a road trip to Batangas with my dear friends (despite my parents' disapproval). Drank a mojito. Became an NMAT volunteer for ASMPH. Had my hair permed. Tried Zumba (and got hooked on it, too!). Worked for a politics-oriented NGO. Met Manny Pacquiao in person. Spent hours and days inside the Batasang Pambansa. Rubbed elbows with big Politicians and celebrities. Became an audience in one episode of a TV show. Brought a loved one to the ER (panicking). Ate chocolate with green mango and salt. Was absent for a major exam. Ate a ginormous burger with med friends. Got a part-time job. Used entirely my own money to buy my friends and family gifts for Christmas. Won in a big-time raffle for concert tickets, complete with VIP perks. Saw Taylor Swift perform live (and almost cried in happiness). Did a mini photography gig. Sought non-medical advice from a doctor. Got my mom an autograph from her idol. Commuted to EK. Joined a drinking game. Actually hated someone. Got a Starbucks planner without buying even one drink (I love you, Kima!). Understood what real love is (00 na, cheesy haha). Got my student driving permit. Tried to drive a car.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Sadly, I weren't able to keep all my 2011 resolutions. Fail. Hahaha. But I plan on making some for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not super close, but some HS batchmates and orgmates gave birth to lovely babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. AGAIN :(

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

An iPad, oven and camera please? Haha. But on a less materialistic note, more self-confidence, self-discipline and self-efficacy (just like last year). And more strength to face my fears and my flaws.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

• OMGOMGOMG winning tickets to Taylor Swift's Manila concert and the entire concert experience! Highlight of my year!
• Pyrolympics <3
• Finding out that my scholarship application was approved :')
• When those sweet words were said. Finally :)
• Was that August 2, when I made a super booboo? Hahaha. Sorry na, Borbs! :p
• My 22nd birthday
• Noche Buena
• November 29-30 with Tgang love! Sampalan + 9gag drinking board game + wish lanterns + Nutella + forever friends = bonding like no other :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a scholarship, hands down. It was the best blessing of 2011 for me and my family.

9. What was your biggest failure?

A loooot. Of course there's acad-related failures; then there's more personal ones. I'd rather not discuss the latter here.

10. Did you suffer any illness of injury?

Terrible bouts of dysmenorrhea ever month and some problems here and there.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Again, med books? Haha. And the Adarna children books and journals that I added to my prized collections :) Also, I discovered the thin, yellow Sharpie highlighter and the blue green Stabilo highlighter, which I love to use now!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My HS kada, my med school pals, and most of all, Borbs :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

ATE JONI @$#%!* Hahaha. Ka-bwisit. And some people I'd rather not name.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Like last year, on transes, highlighters, photocopies, med school reviewers and books. But instead of Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, I consumed a lot of Milk Tea, Cobra, Bacchus and Nescafe Espresso Roast--a bit cheaper but still unhealthy. Haha.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Semestral break and Christmas break! Hahaha. --EXACTLYYY! And the summer escapade with my HS kada and that sembreak EK trip.

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2011?

Party Rock Anthem, Super Bass and Love on Top! Hahaha.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? - Unfortunately, sadder. But I'm more hopeful.

Richer or poorer? - Poorer? But I'll be getting my pay soon, so richer na din siguro. Haha.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Praying. Spending time with my family and friends. Studying with real understanding.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressing out, procrastinating and worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Spent it with my dear family, as usual. We had a simple yet happy Noche Buena :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Stayed in love :)

22. How many one-night stands?

Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Still Grey's Anatomy, HIMYM, The Big Bang Theory. The new additions were Modern Family and New Girl.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Same as #13.

25. What was the best book you read?

Robbins and Contrans Pathologic Basis of Disease 6e. Haha. Plus I'm reading One Day and I'm loving it.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Nicki Minaj! I memorized Super Bass. Haha.

27. What did you want and got?

Shoes? Haha. Seriously, my med school scholarship that our family badly needed :')

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hmm, I didn't get to watch a lot of movies, but I loved Tangled, Crazy, Stupid Love and The Immortals!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 22! It was a normal school day that my friends and family made extra special. After a lunch meeting on the 4th floor, my med pals were waiting for me on the 3rd floor to surprise me. There were gifts, cakes, flowers and yummy sisig and rice! Sadly, I had to rush back to our room on the 2nd floor because our group was the one in charge to transcribe the lecture. My friends were left on the third floor "celebrating" my birthday while I was typing my heart out in class. Haha. Then, my family and I went out for dinner at North Park. Even my Dad and brother Jay drove from Tanay to Pasig on a weekday to celebrate my birthday with me, so I was really happy that we were complete. I love my friends and family :)

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not necessarily more satisfying, but happier, I guess? Having my Dad well.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010.

Loud colors. Tucked-in tops. Shorts. Polos. Florals. Stripes. Casual vintage, basically. --SAME. It seems that my fashion did not grow a bit. Haha.

32. What kept you sane?

Not just what but who, too. My family and friends. Borbs. The idea that tomorrow will always be a brighter day.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Like the past years, I love Rachel Bilson, Kate Beckinsale, Anne Curtis, Rachel Adams, Taylor Swift, Jessica Alba, Scarlet Johansson, Kate Bosworth, and Anne Hathaway. Plus Rhian Ramos when she spoofed Super Bass and Victoria's Secrets hotties like Miranda Kerr.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The RH bill.

35. Who did you miss?

My college and HS friends!

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Hmm, this is hard. I met a number of new friends, but I guess the best were my Blue Platito and SCOPE orgmates plus Jacq and Jill Pardo from PLM.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

There were a LOT of valuable life lessons! But one quote that somehow captures everything is this: "I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it."

38. Quote a song lyric that sums ups your year.

I loved Videoke-singing this song during the break: "Even if there is pain now, everything will be alright for as long as the world still turns there will be night and day. Can you hear me? There's a rainbow always after the rain."

I end this post with another quote:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." -Neil Gaiman

2012 will be exciting and meaningful, I know it :)

Trust and Hope

When we feel that everything's seriously messed up and we don't know what to do anymore, we may have this tendency to bottle ourselves up, hoping that by putting a wall around ourselves, we would manage to sort things out on our own. Well, at least I had that tendency. A lot of things have constantly been bothering me no matter how I hard I try to shrug it off. Some recent occurrences even sparked bad memories that I would rather just keep in the deepest, darkest part of my head. And since it's a given fact that the best person to help us when life seems to give us pins and needles is our own selves, I thought that I had to learn to deal with everything by myself for me to become stronger and more resilient. I had to learn to become really independent and settle stuff with my self first before actually involving other people in my life.

Nonetheless, having said these, I still didn't know what I should do. All I knew was I had to jumpstart all the changes that I need to do for myself, for the people I love, and for my dreams; I had to bring my proper senses back right in time for 2012's entrance, hopefully giving me some sort of new direction. Thankfully, that talk I had with someone yesterday was like the fresh air I've been badly gasping for. He made me realize that I can indeed be alone if I really wanted to, but I don't have to be. He made me realize that hardships are better shared, especially if people are more than willing to share it with you.

So thank you, you, for sticking with me despite everything. Thank you for sharing true love and friendship with me. You are a blessing, really. I'm so lucky to have you :)

I'll probably write a year-ender post of some sort tomorrow, but for now, all I'm sure is that 2012 will be a better year for me. 2012 will surely be a year of being stronger and more confident, learning to say no, having more faith and trust, being real, and living with true love.

Now, time do my Histopath manual with a smile.

Come and Go

So far, my project 365 is still alive. Wuptedoo to me! The downside of it is that I don't get to blog here anymore. Microblogging is just waaay easier. It's a no-brainer, actually--perfect for med school students who already overuse their brain cells in school but still want to post something related to their daily crazy life. Haha. But now that I have a day to spare since we don't have classes (Happy Ateneo President's day!), I'm going to try to contemplate on the past few days and write.

The last concluded module was that of the Endocrine system. It was difficult yet brisk, running for only six days but with effortful requirements and topics. I honestly don't know if I'll pass or fail this module. Hopefully I will, but if I don't, then it's God's way of telling me that I need to learn more about Endo. So despite the scariness of it all, the potentiality of another module removal exam, I'm okay. There's still fear and anxiety, but I'm okay. I'm here to learn and not just pass my subjects, anyway :)

Saturday came, and it was MedGroove and MedRhythmia 2011 time. Six med schools from all over NCR joined together and exhibited their dancing and singing skills, respectively. It was such an awesome show, as if the performers weren't med students at all! Haha. Thankfully, the Ateneo contingents (the Ateneo Medicine Dance Group and Ateneo VoX) won, both grabbing the 2nd place in the two competitions. I was so proud, I caught sight of a blue eagle and felt blue blood running in my veins. LOL. Haha. But seriously, I was so proud of them because most of the performers were my friends, and I knew how much they worked hard for the competition. Congratulations, AMDG and Vox! One big fight!

Yet shortly after the happiness came sadness. A 2nd year medical student from our school passed away due to myocardial infarction or heart attack. I don't know him personally, but I feel so affected with what happened. I'm thinking of his dream of becoming a doctor, the friends he left behind, the family who loves him.. It's so sad that he's now gone. That quick. That fast. It's just another reminder of how fleet and sudden life can go, and if we don't live it to the fullest, we might regret it once things end unexpectedly.

May you rest in peace, Darryl Martin. I'm praying for you and your family.

Fundal Grip

Although I measured the fundal height of my antepartum patient almost 10 inches off its correct value, miscalculated my patient's AOG (age of gestation) wrong because I failed to note that February only has 28 days, and got a terror preceptor who told me that I should go to an EENT doctor because I couldn't hear the heart tone of the baby inside my patient's womb during my practical exam, today still has been a good day.

I went to a government hospital not as a visitor or as an observer but as someone doing real hospital work. I was exposed to a real-life hospital setting where three patients shared one bed and pregnant mothers patiently fell in line standing. I faced real antepartum and postpartum patients. I learned a lot. I grew a lot.

Tomorrow, I am sure, will be another good day. It'll be a more better-er day even, for more comparativeness. I'm just so excited to be at the labor room and delivery room tomorrow, I actually can't wait to wake up and return to Quezon Memorial Medical Center come morning. Haha.

Happiness--this is how it should feel like :)

We Are Family

I was supposed to wake up at 6AM so I could do a brief jog and wake up my hibernating muscles, but yet again, my alarm failed me. Or was it I who failed my alarm? I snoozed it forever and ever until I finally woke up three hours later than I should have. Oh, well. Still, Hello to a beautiful Sunday morning :)

So last night, I was at Starbucks, where I spent half of my time enjoying my coffee and reading magazines. I missed reading and just lazing around with a nice, relaxing cup of caffeine like this, not worrying about anything for a bit. The other half of my time I used on finishing two transes. Yes, I study slow, but at least I got some work done.

Then I got hungry, so I transferred to Dunkin Donuts and had my favorite Bunwich. I was being productive, when this family stepped in. A mom, a dad, two late adolescent boys and one 6 to 8-ish year-old kid. The youngest seemed to have ADHD, because once he got near the counter, he kept on shouting and tugging on his mom's top and pointing and nagging and AAAAHHH! He was really loud as in LOUD. The kind of loud that bounced off from all four walls of the room, the kind of loud that still rung inside your ears even after the loudness. I also knew that he had ADHD because he wasn't allowed by his parents to have donuts or drink sugar-y Dunkin Donuts drinks at that time of day because it'll make him more jittery and energetic.

But it doesn't end there. Their whole family was actually noisy. The mom couldn't decide which of the six nutty choco donuts displayed had the most nuts on it and kept asking if she could have more nuts on her donut. The eldest brother was asking about this combo and that combo and he just kept asking in circles. The second son could not wait to have his one choco honey-dipped muchkin. And the youngest kept screaming "pahingi ako niyaaan!," "mama, gusto ko 'nuuuun!," and "pansinin niyo naman akoooo!" His mom kept ignoring him an continued asking about nuts on her donut.

What's worse was that the four of them--the mom and the three kids--were wailing all at the same time. And they spent around 5-7 minutes on the counter before they were able to finish their order. Noise pollution, really, and not just because I was studying. They were plainly loud that the couple talking about their wedding preparations on the other table urgently left with stern looks on their faces (yes, I eavesdrop sometimes hihi).

Good thing the dad was just seated there, relaxed and all, as if he was so used to such chaos. I was a getting a bit pissed because their voices were literally hurting my ears already, but then the mother told the cashier and manager this: "nakilala niyo na ang pinakamagulong pamilya sa balat ng lupa."

And I don't know, my straight lips just turned into a small smile after hearing that. Their craziness still went on and on even if they were already seated (the father got the bunso some Boy Bawang to munch on while they all had coffee and donuts), but I didn't feel annoyed or anything anymore. Probably because I suddenly missed my own crazy family, and I realized that like this family, we also have our own quirkiness that's probably uniquely us, too. Other people may not understand, other people may smirk at us for it, but that's us. That's our family. And that's how we go. We're special like that.

I plugged my earphones into my ears and stopped eavesdropping so I could finally move on with my school life and stop minding other people's businesses. The family left after around 20 minutes, and I smiled at their youngest kid as he stepped out of Dunkin Donuts' door.

Because it's Christmas

Today, I'm happy.

I'm happy not just because I got tons of new clothes and bags from my mom and Kuya Andre, a pair of my dream boat shoes from Kuya Adrian, a light-weight and durable book stand from my Kris Kringle daddy Vince, a super cute Domokun bag and new pretty notebook from Borbs, and the other lovely and valuable presents that I received from my loved ones.

I'm happy not just because of all the scrumptious, mouth-watering food that I've eaten and will be eating: Christmas ham, oatmeal cookies, cakes, revel bars, fruit salad, paella, pasta, Lola's superb caldereta, etcetera etcetera.

What I'm most especially happy about is at this time of the year, specifically during Noche Buena, our family is complete, as in complete complete.

Our family is far from perfect; honestly, I can say that we're not a nice or good or okay family, even. We're actually pretty detached from each other, except for me, I guess, because I'm pesky and clingy to my both my parents and to my three brothers. But every Christmas eve, we get to be this one whole family. No pressures. No issues. No conflicts. Just pure, happy and genuine family together time. Noche Buena is always simple here in our home, but it's also always fun and happy.

How we gossiped about this person 0r that family as if we were chatty, juvenile teeny boppers;

How we remembered one of our past drivers who ate all the lobster tails we ordered years back in Baguio and required at least a Jollibee or Mcdo meal (no carinderia meals for him :|);

How Dad was so proud and happy when I gave him an Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health sticker for his car;

How we laughed so hard while opening Dad's gifts to each of us (we all received a USB-powered pen light from him, and he even gave himself one, too, gift wrapped and with a card hahaha);

How we disliked the red wine we received from a contractor but loved the 7-11-bought Tanduay Ice (tastes like Sprite);

How we remembered Ma's and our past househelpers' funny mishaps and lines;

How our youngest brother loved all the gifts that he received;

How we just ate so much, cried our hearts out laughing, and enjoyed each other's company.

These types of things happening are what I love the most about Christmas. They're priceless, and I would never ever replace them with anything in the world. I'm more than thankful that we have this one great family experience even if it's just once every year, and I thank the Lord for making it happen. It is in celebrating as a complete family that we celebrate His birth.

Happy, happy birthday, Jesus! Thank you so much for all the love and for blessing me with my loved ones :)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! :)