Sweet September

September breezed through very quickly, what with all the daily stress and exhaustion. Thankfully though, despite the craziness of it all, I still felt that it was my birthday month thanks to my family and friends. I seriously had a simple, lovely and happy birthday. Thank you for all the wonderful people in my life, Lord.

And although I've been really down and confused recently, I've somehow bounced back. Giving up should never be an option, not until I know I've given it my all all. Because really, I know I can still push harder by believing in my dreams and believing in my self. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS.

Thank you again, Lord, for making me realize that I am not alone in this and that I can surpass my failures. That 3.5 hours spent with you was what I really needed. For now, I have to face a little change of perspective, disposition and priorities, and lot of change in studying habits. Again, mantra to self: I can do this.

As for love.. Well, I love love. Lol. I do hope you know by now that I am and will always be a hopeless romantic. I love thrills. I love frills. Still, at the end of the day, although I get clingy and dramatic at times, I am actually a simple girl with a simple wish. I know this path that we chose is and will continue on taking our time away from us, but all I really wish for is someone who's not just there. I wish for someone who wants to be with me and makes me feel that. Let's try a little bit harder, yes? Because I also want to be that someone for you.

To going on more (cheap) food trips (while keeping fit because of the pageant we'll be in HAHAHA JOKE), getting our pedicure at Nail It again, studying a whole lot more, learning a whole lot better, and spending bits of cheesy quality time in between our busy scheds. We can do this :)

GV to start a study-filled Saturday. Hello, October! :)

Ambushed

I did not expect today to be like this. First, the scary rain and the winds. Second, the blackout. Third and most importantly, the special time spent with Borbs' family.

I hate being unprepared for anything, but being ambushed by Borbs to be part of their family bonding ended up to be a pleasant surprise. Actually, I have wanted to spend time with his family for so long now, I just never thought I had the proper sense of self to face them already. You know, the thing about first impressions that come to last. Surely I did not want to be remembered as the girl their son/brother was seeing who needed Stresstabs and a heavy amount of sleep.

But like what I said, it was really a pleasant surprise. It was great spending time with his mom and his siblings. Talking to his sister who's also an Iska was super fun, as well. Borbs' family is so nice, warm and accommodating that I felt super welcome. Also, I actually learned a thing or two from them. Comes to show that sometimes, you don't always have to put your guards up. Who knows, things will turn out waaay better than you expected them to be--be it planned or not :)

Simple things like those make you think.

Hay :(

What Matters Most

It's a fact that I am a crybaby, and today, I actually cried twice. The reasons of which I would not rather share, but my point in telling these is to say how much I am blessed to have my family. Thank you to my parents and my brothers for keeping me on my toes, for urging me to be strong, for reminding me that things will be alright, and for simply being there no matter what. The last time we were complete as a family was last Christmas, so having everyone together on my birthday was the best gift that I could ever have.

Aside from a great family, I also have awesome friends. Thank you for all the fattening food that you gave me today. Seriously, our ref is struggling to contain all the cakes, pastries and sweets. And the effort in making a surprise, the warm messages, the hugs, and the love? Priceless. I am really touched and I feel so loved. Thank you :)

Happy vibes on the first day of my 22nd year :)

22nd

It's 12:30 AM, which means that it's my birthday already! I can't believe it's been 22 years! I feel so old yet so young, especially since med students are like extended adolescents, but are expected to act maturely at the same time. Haha. Anyway, the school stress has made my birthday less of an anticipative event for me. I guess this is what growing up does to you--you see less of what's in it for you and value your principles, goals, and priorities above your personal desires.

That's why for my birthday, all I really want are hugs. And better study habits. And warm greetings. And time spent with loved ones. That's all. Having milk tea today would definitely just be a plus. Haha.

Today is an extraordinary ordinary day for me. As what I've said recently to someone, birthdays are not just dates that seem like deadlines to planning surprises and giving gifts. You have to look beyond that, beyond the expenses and resources, the time and effort. Birthdays are celebrated because of love and happiness. So it doesn't matter what happens on your birthday or what you do for someone's birthday, really. What's important is that love and happiness are there. It's as simple as that.

I can say that I feel loved and happy, so this is surely one great birthday for me :)

Lost

If I chose a different path, would I be happier? Seriously, I'm having doubts that my passion and my dream are not enough to get me through this.

I know this is all worth it in the end, but enduring all these trials is seeping the life out of me.

I'm generally a happy person, but recent events have made me lost and down, and I don't know where to get that strong push to keep me standing once again.

I wish my parents were one snap of a finger away from me. I know their warm hugs and comforting presence would do such a difference. Sadly though, this is what growing up is all about; you'll realize that despite the many people around you, you have to rely on no one but your self in fixing your mess and patching up your life together again. I tend to depend a lot on others because I find happiness in knowing that other people choose to depend on me, too. Now, however, is probably the time to learn how to keep distance and strive on my own.

Realizations

The past week taught me the following:

1. It's hard for me to handle having my loved ones in danger. My brother going into dengue shock syndrome in front me sapped all my abilities to maintain grace under pressure. Panic kung panic. Haha.
2. Hospital rooms are like hotel rooms.
3. My priorities are messed up.
4. I am too much of a worrier.
5. My level of self-monitoring is still so high that it affects everything that I do.
6. Sometimes, it sucks to be a Type 2.
7. I should learn how to say no unapologetically.
8. I've been selfish and self-centered.
9. I should learn to enjoy what I'm doing.
10. I need to make an effort to be better and not just wait on the world to adapt for me.
11. We're all different people. Don't expect someone to think and live the same way you do.
12. I should know what it is that I really want.
13. The doubts are back. Is this really for me?
14. I should stop going online too often and study my butt off. NOW.

I took this blog for granted. But in times like this, when the world seems to be so crazy but at the same normal, I always get this urge to just write, write, write. I always return to you, dear blog.

I need something new. I need something fresh. I need some sort of new beginning.

Being Super

Today, our prof brought her 6-year old son with her to class. While she was lecturing on how lipids are metabolized by the body, his son--bored and restless--took his pants down in the middle of the room and exposed his butt to everyone. Another time, he made peace signs on the projected slides. He counted the number of ATP produced in the metabolic reaction with us. He also adorably hugged his mom's hips while she was discussing.

We were undoubtedly distracted by him, but it was kind of a good distraction for me. I was inspired by the distraction, actually. That's two of my biggest dreams, right then and there. To be a good doctor and to be a good mother at the same time. It can be done, it can be done. Yay happy vibes :)

Trials

I don't want to rant about how draining my week had been anymore because nothing changes; every week in med school is hell week. It's just a cycle of trying to stay awake and alert to listen to endless lectures, trying to stay awake to study the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough, and trying to squeeze into your heads the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough but eventually failing to do so because they are just so much (and because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough to understand them all either). Week in, week out, life's like this. This is our reality as med students.

And I know, it'll also just be redundant and useless if I keep on complaining about how crazy med school is and how it sometimes takes the life out of me when med school life is inadvertently like that. I want to stop asking myself if I made the right decision in pursuing medicine. I want to stop being confused if this is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I want to stop doubting my capabilities and capacities as a person whenever I don't perform well as a med student.

But I just can't. I can't stop ranting. I can't stop being lost. I can't stop being anxious. I can't stop being afraid. Med school is testing me and pushing me to my limits, and I don't know if I can and want to still handle it. It's not just the work load, stress, and uncertainty, of course. A lot of other factors add to all this confusion. The bottom line remains, nevertheless, on whether my heart really lies in this profession or not.

Thankfully, having young, fresh grad doctors as preceptors somehow inspired me. Seeing them looking (gorgeously) youthful yet professional, knowing they got through 5++ years of info overload torture, hearing how great and adept they are in and out of class, and feeling how they are fulfilled to be where they are right now--all these made the craziness of med school a bit bearable. It really is tough, and no one can't do anything about it. But the dire work will definitely pay off after a couple of years, right? If I survive all these, I will be like the preceptors who I look up to now. If I just stop being so unmotivated and scared and push myself to do more, I will finish this and I will become a good doctor, too.

So push, Bea. Push.

:)

FREEDOM

The past weeks had been excruciatingly tiresome and eventful, I can't even believe that I've survived it. The best part of it all? I can officially say that I am done with my first semester in med school. WHAT UP. WHAAAAT IS UP.

Okay, so maybe I might take a removal exam for the Cardio-Pulmo module. Or maybe not even half of what I learned in the past months would be retained in my head. But I am just so tired of studying that all I can think about is the awesome feeling of having nothing to do at all. And here I am, basking in that feeling. Ah, sweet, sweet freedom!

Things I learned/realized/experienced:

• I cannot donate blood because I am underweight. I even tried twice, in two different occasions. But then again, I feel fat. Well, I got really fatter. Ask my friends. I just don't know why my weight more or less stays the same and yet I have definitely grown unwillingly horizontal.
• Tummy size is directly proportional to stress.
• I lost my stethoscope. Perfect opportunity to buy a Littmann steth? Haha.
• Sleep = death, most especially during the night before the exam. I should never ever trust my forever-alarm clock-snoozing self again.
• Shopping for a party dress three hours before the party is a bad idea.
• I really need to study study. I am not learning :(
• I missed dressing up. Being in uniform five times a week should be enough motivation for me to dress up during weekends and not just settle for my quick, hassle-free, regular apparel (AKA loose shirt and shorts).
• Inspect, palpate, percuss, auscultate.
• Staring blankly into space = new hobby.
• Goodbye, Pulmonology. There's no way I'm having you as my specialization.
• The strongest people can be the weakest ones because of love :(
• I worry too much.
• My Photoshop skills are rusty already :-s
• Wild Card was great! Congrats to everyone, especially to Borbs and Aileen! :)
• I really missed you :)

Yaaaay, free time at last! ♥

The Med Life

Today, I had my first true med school examination. I say true because the exam earlier was technically our second, but then the first exam we had last, last week was on the principles and perspectives of medicine, hence it was not the typical deadly-med school-exam kind yet. The one that we had today was though, and as one of my classmates put it, "You can never be prepared for it (the exam, or any med school exam for that matter), you just run out of time studying."

I know I wasn't able to prepare enough. I'm still trying to figure out the perfect study habits and finding out the best way to keep myself awake to study. Yes, four years in college and I still wasn't able to discover my optimal studying behavior because I am kalat-kalat like that. But med school's an all new academic world, and I'm absolutely sure that I have to put myself and my studying habits together soon or else I'll suffer the consequences.

Anyway, with the exams (we actually had two exams today, one lecture exam and one for histology lab) over now, the weight of becoming a doctor is now more real to me than ever. When I decided to pursue medicine, I certainly had an idea of what I'm getting myself into, but having my first dose of med school life right here and right now opened my eyes.

This is the life you chose, Bea.

You wanted this.

This is your dream.

It is indeed difficult and tiring, stressful and draining, and it will be like that for almost forever.

But you will survive. You will survive because you are for this.

Always think about why you are here and why you chose this life.

It's about love. It's about saving lives.

So no matter how many times you doubt yourself and your decision, no matter how many times you will get burned out and will want to give up, remember that it is all worth it in the end.

Remember that you're going to be a good doctor someday, and you'll be able to cure and help--just like you always dreamed of.

Okay, monologue done. Yay because I feel med-happy and inspired again :)

For the past weeks, it was all about studying, learning, studying, information overload, and studying, studying, studying (and some lazy moments here and there) that it came to a point that the stress and fatigue were overshadowing the zest that I have for medicine (to think that I'm not even halfway through my first sem). I need regular moments of reassurance like this to keep me on track and to remind me why I decided to take this crazily tedious path. Back to studying and learning not because I have to but because I want to. Everything would really be worth it in the end.

A lot of things have changed since I entered med school, some for the better and unfortunately, some for the worse. Here are some of my discoveries, realizations, and musings so far:

• I missed wearing uniform everyday. No more tardiness due to early morning attire indecisiveness!
• How to perk up the white uniform monotony? Fashionable shoes and jackets/cardigans/hoodies!
• But our uniform, without our nameplates on it, makes us look like yayas or caregivers. Haha.
• Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo is the study place to be. Cheap coffee. Cheap donuts. Cool, pleasant, and quiet ambiance. The only thing I don't like about the place is the lack of outlets. I can't study my medical ebooks there, boo.
• Too much donuts (trans fat much huhu) and coffee is taking its toll, though, and it's taking it's toll on my already large thighs fast. Bigger boo.
• Getting fat = a no-no when wearing uniform. My uniform is now a bit tight here and there and I hate it.
• In non-uniform and non-fatness news, I realized that in medicine, you really have to study study study to understand everything. Day in, day out. The amount of information is just so immense, you'll be eating medical concepts and terms three meals a day.
• The ideal study habit: Study for tomorrow's topic the night before, review notes/trans every after lecture. I will try to apply this starting tomorrow. Wish me luck.
• Medical school is so expensive, and it's not just the tuiton and the books. The endless transes and photocopied materials, the equipment, the highlighters and post-its, the food, the coffee and energy drinks.. Ang sakit-sakit lang sa bulsa.
• I realized that if I didn't enter med school, I would be earning my own money now. But here I am, still living on my parents' and brothers' support. And it'll still be like this for the next five years. Hay.
• I love how we have amazing, awesome doctors (both MD and PhD) as teachers! It's such a privilege to learn from great people who are leading in their respective fields and specialties.
• Having my med school pals around makes every toxic day a happy day :)
• And lastly, ice does wonders on facial pores and eye bags! Hihi.

If You're Happy And You Know it

So med school has been gradually killing me, hence the long hiatus. Almost four weeks has passed since I entered the so-called "doors of learning" of medicine, and although I am drained and stressed and eye-bagged, despite my occasional complaints and claims of frustration, I do think that I am where I should be. I can say that I am happy where I am right now :)

Run

So I just ran one lap around Ultra and St. Paul. I am drenching wet, the taste of the salinity of my sweat playing with my taste buds as it seeps across my eyebrows and in between my lips. It feels so good--so alive, even--to be perspiring this much, as if a long-repressed sense of determination in life has revived itself in me. I never thought that I would have the will power to actually pull my lazy ass off the bed at 6 o'clock in the morning for something not related to school or orgs, change into some decent active wear, tie my shoe laces, stretch and do jumping jacks for 15 minutes, go out our front door, and run. I have recently developed an avoidance to any physical activity that triggers my sweat glands and I am continually seeking confines with an air conditioner or electric fan that could take me away from this unbearable heat, but hey, I did it. After a year of not jogging, I jogged. Hooray hooray!

I do exercise here at home, though. Those YouTube Pilates and 8-minute abs workouts are actually very beneficial. Yet running is different; for me, it brings a certain high and satisfaction. Going out there, running with the wind (and the early morning cars and passers by), hearing your heartbeat banging in your chest and resounding in your ears, having perspiration reek off your skin, and being able to drag yourself into finishing that one stretch--it takes a whole different effort. Aside from that, it can boost and energize a person in an all different level. I missed feeling so physically powerful (even though I am honestly pretty weak) and in control.

I know I should do this more often. With med school just less than three weeks away, I should really prepare myself both mentally and physically. I hope tomorrow is another bright, sunny day to go out and jog again.

Count Your Blessings

Hello there. It's been a while. I wish I blogged more since my life has been very eventful recently, but then I had so much under my belt. So allow me to give an update of the blessings that I received in the past month or so with the help of some lovely photos:

1. I graduated from college. I now have Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology, hooray! I attended both the college and university graduation of UP Diliman.

2. We now have a new baby at home: Scofield! He's my brother and my brother's girlfriend's three-month old shih tzu. He likes to snuggle by our side, follow us almost everywhere, and give us sweet licks and kisses ♥

3. As long as I pass Biochem and Cell and Molecular Biology, I am officially a first year med student at the Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health this June. ASMPH's month-long transition summer program was indeed tiring yet so much fun. I loved meeting new friends. The med school life also excites me tremendously. I probably just need a week-long rest and then I'm fully geared for it. I'm so glad that I'm finally living my dream.

I feel so blessed. Thank you so much, Lord. Thank you to my dear family. Thank you to my college batchmates and friends. Thank you to my new friends in ASMPH.

Pure glee. Life is good :)

OH, JOY

I am ecstatic. I am overjoyed. I am overwhelmed. Thank you, Lord. THANK YOU SO MUCH :')

Obviously, my prayers were heard. After a crazy morning yesterday, I left UP with a big smile, some happy tears, and a heart that's overflowing with gratitude. Finally, I passed Organic Chemistry. Finally, I can say that I am going to graduate this April. Finally, I am sure that I am going to be able to pursue medicine this coming school year. Finally.

My brother said that experiences like these build character, and indeed, how my character has changed for the better in the past weeks is noteworthy. It was certainly a struggle, maybe not for a number of my Org Chem-inclined classmates, but for me and some of my other peers. Not only did we have the most dreaded Org Chem prof who gives the most complex exams and teaches not so student-friendlily, Chemistry and I don't really mix well. I decided to take it at the start of the sem, nonetheless, in order to get into ASMPH, as well as to prepare for med school.

My pre-finals performance was below average, that's why I was immensely scared. I had to do really good in the finals in order for me to pass the subject and graduate on time. The pressure of everything weighed me down many times: graduating with Mandala X and graduating per se, med school and the big confirmation fee that was non-refundable, my future, others' expectations, my ego. Everything. It was hard to study and not to ruminate or think counterfactually when heavy stuff like these relied on how I will do in the finals. I cried at times, I was burned out, but after a couple of minutes, I would pick myself up and fight again. My dreams, my inspirations, my social support group, and my faith helped me get through this anxiety-rimming part of my life. I wouldn't have gotten through this without the latter two most especially.

I had to endure almost a week of painstaking waiting before our professor released the results of the exam. Can you imagine the level of anxiety that I endured? It went waaay overboard. Ask my mom. Still, I am very thankful for this experience because I realized how detached I have been from the Lord. I was too busy with my school and org work that I neglected him. I only came to him when I needed him, which is disappointing and ungrateful of me. Nonetheless, the Lord helped me through this part of my life. I prayed very hard. I talked to him constantly. I trusted Him. Thankfully, He answered my plea.

This experience showed me how life-changing having faith in the Lord is, how faith can truly lead us through our predicaments. I was not confident that I performed as good as I should have in the finals, but I believed that the Lord will make everything okay in the end. And he did make everything okay in the end. It spent quite a while, but the wait was worth it. I passed. What the ef, I passed. I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED! Everything seems so surreal, like a dream that came true. Humongous thanks, Lord. You're the best :')

I found out my grade just yesterday, and it was both the hardest and happiest day of my life. I was initially doomed because my prof said that I got a grade of 4.0, which meant that I still had to take the removal exam. I was heartbroken because I was only 15 points shy of passing. That was equivalent to 6 correct items in the finals (2.5 points per item). Moreover, my prof told me that I couldn't take an early removal exam because he was going to leave today, and he was the only one who could give the early removal exam. Regular removal exams will be scheduled within the summer semester, which was too late for me because all my grades should be in by this Saturday so that I could graduate this April. I almost died there due to a combination of my prof's irritation and rage (he didn't like crying, emotional students) and my sad Org Chem fate. I wanted to cry myself to sleep on the corridor along my prof's office and wake up five years after. Lol.

I still tried to apply for an early removal exam despite the great uncertainty of it all, though. I went to the College of Science and to AS 101 puffy-eyed and in tears, settling the removal exam permit while receiving weird glances from the staff and students. I went back to the Institute of Chemistry and waited for my prof to sign the permit. He came back two hours later, with his lesson plan in hand. He asked me if I was going to take the early removal exam and I said yes, trying to fight the build up of emotion inside of me. He then laughed and said that he recalculated our class' grades. He had mixed up my score with another score. "Ito na final grade mo," he told me, while pointing to a pencil-written '3.0' across my name on his class record. I instantly broke into tears. I approached my prof and wanted to hug him, but he shooed me away. Haha. Genuine happiness, really. Thank you, Doc Q :')

So there. I just had to make this entry as detailed as possible so I won't forget this important phase in my life. I thought things will end up badly, but it didn't, fortunately. The biggest reason behind this is because I had faith in the Lord. I experienced for myself the saying that "with God, nothing is impossible." Truly, there is always a way if you simply believe in Him while doing your part as well. I also learned that your efforts will pay off as long as you put your heart and soul into it. I pushed myself to the limit for the finals, and I was able to do it. I still can't believe it until now, in fact. Hehe. Lastly, you can never survive without your loved ones. A number of people knew about what I was going through, and they constantly helped me through it. For that I am extremely thankful.

Ma, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for sacrificing your time and effort to stay with me during my long Starbucks study sessions, for taking me to and from school, for keeping me going when I wanted to give up, for understanding me and my emotionality. Dad, thank you for believing in me this much. Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you for the endless support and love.

To my brothers, thank you for constantly cheering for me and making me less cranky when I'm stressed. Hehe. Thank you to my dear friends Jem, Mica, Zoe, Kat, Ivan, Tupe, Edson, Ate Marize, Ate Eloi, Gab, Reg, and Hoby for being with me during my lowest moments. Your words of encouragement and prayers seriously helped me a lot through this. Thank you for being real and for simply believing in me. You're all so awesome.

Okay, this entry is super duper long already so I'll stop now. Yay to a happy, grateful, graduating future-med-student Bea :)

Remembering 2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’ve never done before?

Won in an election where I ran against three other candidates (sobrang nerve-wracking hehe). Was the president of an organization. Ate kimchi. Had my hair cut really short. Be a model, chos (for grad pics lang kasi haha). Applied for a scholarship abroad. Went on a college fieldtrip. Skinned a cat. Went to Ocean Park. Lost someone dear to me. Got seriously angry and hurt. Went to EK with friends (and not for a school fieldtrip or family outing). Got stranded because of Ondoy. Helped out in relief operations. Bought a human brain. Took the NMAT. Joined an international poster competition. Watched the UP Fair. Registered to vote for the 2010 elections. Snorkeled.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Uh, some. A small portion, I think. Hahaha. But I will still make resolutions. Probably next week :p

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Some acquaintances and cousins, but as in close close, no.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Lei :( We miss you, Lei.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. Dapat HK pero NSO ruined everything :(

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More money! I really want to save up for my future. And more learnings. There'll be a lot of that, I know. Med ba naman. Info overload na ito. Exciting! Haha. More time to do stuff I love to do, as well. I wish I could paint and draw and doodle and design more.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 27. The last time I saw Kat before she fled to Korea as an exchange student. Can't wait to see her again next week!

February 13-14. UP Fair. Went with Kenneth and my brother. That night, the Jumping Jologs (JJs) went wild because the fair was full of people already and they couldn't go in despite having tickets. They brought the concert walls down by high-kicking and body-slamming it. From the inside, it was really scary. The artists who were playing (Bamboo, Tuesday Vargas, etc) and the University Student Council were already pleading the JJs to stop and just listen to the concert from the outside. Nevertheless, it was a memorable night. Love. Fireworks. Music. Food.

March 7. Eraserheads: The Final Set. The most bestest concert I've been to, hands down.

March 15. MS 102 Fieldtrip in Alaminos, Pangasinan! We snorkeled and saw lots of corals and fishes. The open waters frightened me, though. We had to swim from the dock in the middle of sea to the coral reefs area and back, eh ang layo 'nun. Napagod ako ng bongga. Akala ko hindi na ko makakabalik at makakagat na ko ng Jelly Fish. Hahaha.

March 19. I won as Mandala 2010's yearbook EIC and batch president. Also, Lei passed away :(

June 12-13. Batch 5 reunion in Binangonan. Old friends, forever friends. Iba talaga ang high school ♥

July 3. Mandala X Acquaintance Party. Had so much fun! Ang sabaw at competitive ng mga tao sa games. Hahaha.

August 1. RIP Cory Aquino. The whole country mourned but was nonetheless inspired by her loss. Also, I gave up. I went to Marie Digby's concert with Kuya Andre, too. I was able to meet her in person and had a photo taken with her! Sobrang fan moment lang. Hihi.

September 15. I hit the big 2-0. Goodbye younger years!

September 26. Ondoy hit Metro Manila and its neighboring areas. I was stranded for six hours with my mom and our driver. But that was nothing to what the others experienced. Heart-breaking. But at least we all learned from Ondoy.

November 14. Katy Perry Live in Manila! Katy was sooo great! I love her personality and style. She was so game, she actually kissed a girl (from the crowd) and she liked it! Haha.

November 20. It struck me. I really want to be a (artsy) doctor, hee.

December 22. EK with the EB plus Kriss and Ilao. Bought overpriced shorts and slippers because we got drenched at the Rio Grande Rapids and Log Jam. Lesson learned: bring extra clothes. Haha. Fun fun fun!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning and doing my job as Mandala EIC ♥

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to save my GWA.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious. The usual flu or fatigue every now and then.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My HP Mini, Chloe!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My close friends who stuck with me through thick and thin. Kat, Joyce, Mica, Jem, Christian, Zoe, and Reg. And of course, my beloved Mandala Ed Board.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Someone's, but I wasn't really appalled or depressed. I was angry, but now, I think disappointed probably is the apter word. But I'm over it already.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes. Org stuff. Clothes. School supplies. Clothes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Concerts (Eraserheads: The Final Set and Katy Perry Live in Manila) and get-togethers (HS batch, HS barkada, Mandala)!

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2009?
Nobody by the Wonder Girls, FTW. Or the one that goes "mga tambay lang kami, sawa sa babae." Hate it so much. Haha.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? – Sadder, but in only one aspect. At nababawasan na din naman 'yung sadness. Hihi.
Richer or poorer? – Poorer! Ubos ang savings ko. Dati yata marami-rami akong napamaskuhan. Haha.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
SLEPT. Worked out. Blogged. Took pictures. Studied. Haha.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being confused. Cramming. Procrastinating. Wanting so many things that I can live without.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it with my family. The usual Porciuncula and Alfonso reunions, pero hindi kami nakaabot sa latter :( Had isaw with my mom and my brothers at around 6PM, and also spent some time with the Amonoy's and Arcilla's after dinner.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Hmm, no. Continued to be in love, yes. But then.. 'Yun na. Hehe.

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
It all started with The Big Bang, hey! And of couse How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and Glee.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hahaha. Hindi naman hate. Pero yeah, bad vibes siguro.

25. What was the best book you read?
Psychology of Learning by Ormrod. Hahaha.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Death Cab for Cutie and She & Him. Pati si Taylor Swift? Hahaha.

27. What did you want and got?
New phones (nasira 'yung una huhu), a laptop, clothes, art stuff.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Definitely Avatar! (500) Days of Summer comes next, but its because I love Summer!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 20. Hmm, didn't do anything special. Just ate with some friends. Celebrated with my family.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting a 99+ score in the NMAT. Asa naman ako. Haha.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Layers. Colorful. Comfy. Cardigans. Minsan vintage-y. Anything goes, actually. Depends on my mood.

32. What kept you sane?
Inspiring fashion and art blogs. Food. Friends. My dreams. My mom :)

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The Olsens. Rachel Bilson. Kate Beckinsale. Anne Curtis.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Maguindanao Massacre. Insanely immoral. Ang sarap painumin ng phenol 'yung mga Amputuans.

35. Who did you miss?
Kenneth and Kat.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Chris, a Starbucks barista. Haha.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
That we all have different wants and needs in life, at nagbabago 'yun through time. Pwedeng pareho tayo ng gusto noon, pero ngayon hindi na. At walang masama 'dun. Nothing is constant. We have to live with change :)

Also, that everything does happen for a reason. Gasgas na gasgas na, pero it's true. When things don't go the way you want them to, sulk a little, then move on. There's so so so much more to enjoy and be happy about. Tomorrow is always a new day to learn and change and grow. Easier said than done, I know, but I realized that it's all in the disposition, really. Kaya think about your dreams everyday. Always have something to look forward to. Spend time with people you love. Do stuff that makes you smile. These can balance or overwrite all the other things that gets us down. Para masaya ang world :)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life :)

Departure and Arrival

When I finally decided to pursue Medicine after graduation just a month ago, the realization was very sudden, like a bullet shot straight into my head. Now, a couple of minutes after 2010 set in, a different yet very significant realization hit me. I have been waiting for quite a while for it to finally arrive. Now, it's here. Finally, it's here. The best way to start to 2010, really :)

***

2009 was a painful year for me. It also was the most life-changing and stressful. But frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way (except for acad-related regrets haha). It taught me a lot. I've grown because of the things that I had to go through. I became stronger. I became more independent. Changing for the better and learning to move on never felt so real for me in the past year.

Ah, 2010. The highlights of this year would certainly be graduating from college, getting into med school, and moving closer to my deathly yet fulfilling dream of becoming a doctor. I am seriously excited! Of course I still have to endure tough and wild waters before I finish my undergrad studies (AKA Psych 135 and Chem 31), but what the heck, I know it'll be a great and crazy adventure :)

Will think of realistic, attainable resolutions tomorrow. Welcome, beautiful and awesome 2010!

Here I Go Again

When will I stop making new blogs? I don't know. Yes, this is my 34523161th blog, but hey, the online virtual world has a lot of space for me and my endless blog-switching! Haha.

My new URL is from Up Dharma Down's single A Purse of Stories. I love them and I love that song.

Here's to hopefully staying put on one URL (hmm let's really see haha) and keeping all my memories intact.

***

Less than two hours before 2010 sets in. A yearender/yearstarter entry in the works. Happy new year! Have fun, eat lots, and be merry!