Obviously, my prayers were heard. After a crazy morning yesterday, I left UP with a big smile, some happy tears, and a heart that's overflowing with gratitude. Finally, I passed Organic Chemistry. Finally, I can say that I am going to graduate this April. Finally, I am sure that I am going to be able to pursue medicine this coming school year. Finally.
My brother said that experiences like these build character, and indeed, how my character has changed for the better in the past weeks is noteworthy. It was certainly a struggle, maybe not for a number of my Org Chem-inclined classmates, but for me and some of my other peers. Not only did we have the most dreaded Org Chem prof who gives the most complex exams and teaches not so student-friendlily, Chemistry and I don't really mix well. I decided to take it at the start of the sem, nonetheless, in order to get into ASMPH, as well as to prepare for med school.
My pre-finals performance was below average, that's why I was immensely scared. I had to do really good in the finals in order for me to pass the subject and graduate on time. The pressure of everything weighed me down many times: graduating with Mandala X and graduating per se, med school and the big confirmation fee that was non-refundable, my future, others' expectations, my ego. Everything. It was hard to study and not to ruminate or think counterfactually when heavy stuff like these relied on how I will do in the finals. I cried at times, I was burned out, but after a couple of minutes, I would pick myself up and fight again. My dreams, my inspirations, my social support group, and my faith helped me get through this anxiety-rimming part of my life. I wouldn't have gotten through this without the latter two most especially.
I had to endure almost a week of painstaking waiting before our professor released the results of the exam. Can you imagine the level of anxiety that I endured? It went waaay overboard. Ask my mom. Still, I am very thankful for this experience because I realized how detached I have been from the Lord. I was too busy with my school and org work that I neglected him. I only came to him when I needed him, which is disappointing and ungrateful of me. Nonetheless, the Lord helped me through this part of my life. I prayed very hard. I talked to him constantly. I trusted Him. Thankfully, He answered my plea.
This experience showed me how life-changing having faith in the Lord is, how faith can truly lead us through our predicaments. I was not confident that I performed as good as I should have in the finals, but I believed that the Lord will make everything okay in the end. And he did make everything okay in the end. It spent quite a while, but the wait was worth it. I passed. What the ef, I passed. I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED! Everything seems so surreal, like a dream that came true. Humongous thanks, Lord. You're the best :')
I found out my grade just yesterday, and it was both the hardest and happiest day of my life. I was initially doomed because my prof said that I got a grade of 4.0, which meant that I still had to take the removal exam. I was heartbroken because I was only 15 points shy of passing. That was equivalent to 6 correct items in the finals (2.5 points per item). Moreover, my prof told me that I couldn't take an early removal exam because he was going to leave today, and he was the only one who could give the early removal exam. Regular removal exams will be scheduled within the summer semester, which was too late for me because all my grades should be in by this Saturday so that I could graduate this April. I almost died there due to a combination of my prof's irritation and rage (he didn't like crying, emotional students) and my sad Org Chem fate. I wanted to cry myself to sleep on the corridor along my prof's office and wake up five years after. Lol.
I still tried to apply for an early removal exam despite the great uncertainty of it all, though. I went to the College of Science and to AS 101 puffy-eyed and in tears, settling the removal exam permit while receiving weird glances from the staff and students. I went back to the Institute of Chemistry and waited for my prof to sign the permit. He came back two hours later, with his lesson plan in hand. He asked me if I was going to take the early removal exam and I said yes, trying to fight the build up of emotion inside of me. He then laughed and said that he recalculated our class' grades. He had mixed up my score with another score. "Ito na final grade mo," he told me, while pointing to a pencil-written '3.0' across my name on his class record. I instantly broke into tears. I approached my prof and wanted to hug him, but he shooed me away. Haha. Genuine happiness, really. Thank you, Doc Q :')
So there. I just had to make this entry as detailed as possible so I won't forget this important phase in my life. I thought things will end up badly, but it didn't, fortunately. The biggest reason behind this is because I had faith in the Lord. I experienced for myself the saying that "with God, nothing is impossible." Truly, there is always a way if you simply believe in Him while doing your part as well. I also learned that your efforts will pay off as long as you put your heart and soul into it. I pushed myself to the limit for the finals, and I was able to do it. I still can't believe it until now, in fact. Hehe. Lastly, you can never survive without your loved ones. A number of people knew about what I was going through, and they constantly helped me through it. For that I am extremely thankful.
Ma, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for sacrificing your time and effort to stay with me during my long Starbucks study sessions, for taking me to and from school, for keeping me going when I wanted to give up, for understanding me and my emotionality. Dad, thank you for believing in me this much. Thank you for all the prayers. Thank you for the endless support and love.
To my brothers, thank you for constantly cheering for me and making me less cranky when I'm stressed. Hehe. Thank you to my dear friends Jem, Mica, Zoe, Kat, Ivan, Tupe, Edson, Ate Marize, Ate Eloi, Gab, Reg, and Hoby for being with me during my lowest moments. Your words of encouragement and prayers seriously helped me a lot through this. Thank you for being real and for simply believing in me. You're all so awesome.
Okay, this entry is super duper long already so I'll stop now. Yay to a happy, grateful, graduating future-med-student Bea :)
