My Source of Sanity

...my source of love and strength :)

Just messing around with my adorable mom, who I missed badly since I didn't see her for four days. Now I miss Dad, too :(

Okay, back to the liver. Effin' hepatic segmentation.

Trials

I don't want to rant about how draining my week had been anymore because nothing changes; every week in med school is hell week. It's just a cycle of trying to stay awake and alert to listen to endless lectures, trying to stay awake to study the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough, and trying to squeeze into your heads the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough but eventually failing to do so because they are just so much (and because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough to understand them all either). Week in, week out, life's like this. This is our reality as med students.

And I know, it'll also just be redundant and useless if I keep on complaining about how crazy med school is and how it sometimes takes the life out of me when med school life is inadvertently like that. I want to stop asking myself if I made the right decision in pursuing medicine. I want to stop being confused if this is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I want to stop doubting my capabilities and capacities as a person whenever I don't perform well as a med student.

But I just can't. I can't stop ranting. I can't stop being lost. I can't stop being anxious. I can't stop being afraid. Med school is testing me and pushing me to my limits, and I don't know if I can and want to still handle it. It's not just the work load, stress, and uncertainty, of course. A lot of other factors add to all this confusion. The bottom line remains, nevertheless, on whether my heart really lies in this profession or not.

Thankfully, having young, fresh grad doctors as preceptors somehow inspired me. Seeing them looking (gorgeously) youthful yet professional, knowing they got through 5++ years of info overload torture, hearing how great and adept they are in and out of class, and feeling how they are fulfilled to be where they are right now--all these made the craziness of med school a bit bearable. It really is tough, and no one can't do anything about it. But the dire work will definitely pay off after a couple of years, right? If I survive all these, I will be like the preceptors who I look up to now. If I just stop being so unmotivated and scared and push myself to do more, I will finish this and I will become a good doctor, too.

So push, Bea. Push.

:)

Lacking

Time

Sleep

Energy

Money

Motivation

Weirdest Dream

This is totally out-of-this-world, but I just have to blog about it: I dreamt that I was being raped through my pancreas and not through my vagina last night.

I KNOOOW, HOW. CAN. THAT. HAPPEN. Dr. Deo's lectures are so getting to me! WEIRD TALAGA! The GI tract, FTW! =))

Day 1: 30-day Challenge

I almost forgot about this one. Kat, Joyce, Mica and I were supposed to start this together, but our failed memories and eternal busy-ness messed our plan up. Mica started last week already. Kat and Joyce I think started theirs yesterday. So I'll start today.

1. How you're different on Tumblr (or Blogger) to how you are in real life.

Well, I usually speak in Filipino or Taglish in real life, except of course during interviews, school reports, group discussions, etc. I guess I am also more expressive and talkative online that I am in person. I can be really quiet, especially around people I am not familiar with. But if we're friends, I tend to be makulit most of the time. In real life, I usually deal and talk about medical school and its difficulties, unlike here online where I often blabber about my passion for arts and fashion and other non-academic-related girly-ness. Lastly, I like to laugh and smile. I don't know if my occasional online emoticons, hihis and hahas reflect that about my online self. Haha.

So that's about it :)

Bluer Than Blue

One sem break Monday, I went with my mom to the south to check out their project at NAIA 3. The sun was high and the sky was lovely blue, so I could not resist taking some photos.

The NAIA 3 landmark that my mom, dad, and brother are working on. Can't wait to see it when it's completely done!

We then drove to the The Fort to wait for my eldest brother. Hello, sky and skyscrapers.

White

I like white roses. Some find it weird because white roses, according to them, are for funerals. But I beg to differ. I find red roses to be overly.. Romantic, I guess? Not that I am not a hopeless romantic because I totally am. There is just something about how the beauty of white roses is so simple and pure and real that it makes me feel light inside. It makes me smile. I wish I could be as beautiful as a white rose.

Thank you to Borbs who gave me a large, pretty white rose on my birthday back in September. I wasn't able to capture a photo of it when it was still in its best blooming glory, but above are photos of it before all the petals fell off. I secured a couple of petals between the pages of one of my thick science books, I just can't remember which one. Heehee.

***

I Slept until 10 AM today. I didn't have to stop my phone's alarm from ringing because it wasn't able to wake me up to even the minutest level of consciousness. I was really exhausted from yesterday, I don't know why. Maybe it was because my shoes killed my feet. Or I felt bad because of the maggots and fungi that found their new home in our cadaver. Or I was just smitten tired by Dr. Reyes' greatness. Yet too bad for us med students crushing on him since he's married already. Haha.

Anyway, I had a number of dreams last night. I can't remember what they were exactly, but I do know that they were nice ones. And today, I'm feeling nice, too. Thank you for this non-working holiday, I can laze off a bit and rest. I'll be posting more photos later, study, then attend a meeting for our batch jackets.

I Can Make it Through the Rain

In commemoration of my long-awaited, much-adored, but recently concluded semestral break, allow me to look back and savor the lovely time I had with my family and friends with a couple of sem break posts. I enjoyed taking lots and lots of photos, and here are some of them.

***

Wawel visited me while I was in Tanay. It was a gloomy Friday afternoon, which kind of matched our mood then. Since rain was pouring on and off that day, we ended up hanging out under the comforts of the roofed asotea at the dike with our umbrellas, some junk food, my journal, and my colored pencils.

Wawel attempted to draw me. I wish I don't look like that in real life.

He ended up discovering my Hip Hob Abs DVD that was tucked in between my journal's pages. Hehe.

I saw this in the grocery and I just could not not buy it. It was green, plus it was sour cream. Nomnomnom. MSG-goodness.

We then walked a bit.

At the end of the dike, this sculpture stands in memory of the victims of Typhoon Ondoy.

Lastly, the beautiful old school light house of Tanay.

Who Are You?

Reminiscing

Nakakamiss ang UP.

Sunshine-y Day

Good morning :)

Despite not being able to sleep properly because noises in our kitchen woke me up and scared me like crazy (I blame it on Paranormal Activity 2 haha), this morning came up to be a pleasant one for me. I'm here in Tanay, having a vacation and helping my Dad and my brother. They don't have a regular househelper here, so here I am, being their semi-yaya/personal assistant for a week. I missed being with them so much, and I realized how I missed Tanay as well.

I woke up at 5AM to prepare breakfast and baon for Dad and Jay. Then I helped them prepare for work and school, edited our research methodology, took some random pictures here at home, and now, I'm surfing to my heart's delight while watching Grey's Anatomy. It's a wonder why I still have energy after having just three hours of sleep, but yay to enjoying my second to the last Friday of my sem break.

Later, I'll be drawing and coloring and sketching, and I'll be planning the rest of my sem break. Keep the happy vibes coming! :)

Hmmm

Something I grabbed from Tumblr. This seems really exciting, 'no? And at least I'll be motivated to post daily. Will start tomorrow, yay! :)

Edit: Will start this on the 13th na lang (What is the english term for nalang? Really, I've been thinking about it for so long already! Haha), together with my best girl friends :)

Tadhana

This song always reminds me of you :)

Memories

I can't really remember much about my childhood (hello, infantile amnesia), but this has got to be one of the most salient things that made my younger years. And Little Lulu. Haha. I'm a Cartoon Network baby ♥

Binge-eater

It's only day 3 of the sweet sem break, but I already mutated into a pig. See what I devoured yesterday:

• Carbonara
• Pancit Palabok
• Pancit Bihon
• Puto Pao
• Double Dutch ice cream
• Isaw
• Ensaymada
• Ding Dong mixed nuts
• Siomai
• Fruits
• Coke
• Asado Siopao

Binge-eating much, I know. After controlling my food intake in the past weeks, I crashed and nomnomnom-ed endlessly. Bakit kasi ang sasarap ng pagkain dito sa Tanay?! Hahaha. But it will stop now. As in NOW. Back to eating smart! Of course I'll still enjoy myself, but moderation is the key forever:

• Eat in proper proportions
• No rice and carbs
• More fruits and vegetables
• Occasional sweets and pastries
• Less coffee
• More tea (and Gatorade, my new love)
• EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE

I can't jog here in Tanay because there isn't a place that's conducive for jogging (or at least a place that I'm familiar with or at ease in), so I brought my Hip Hop Abs DVD. Haha.

I hope I lose and don't gain this sem break! For now, I will chill by watching Devil Wears Prada. Next movies: 21 and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yay!