Today, I had my first true med school examination. I say
true because the exam earlier was technically our second, but then the first exam we had last, last week was on the principles and perspectives of medicine, hence it was not the typical deadly-med school-exam kind yet. The one that we had today was though, and as one of my classmates put it, "You can never be prepared for it (the exam, or any med school exam for that matter), you just run out of time studying."
I know I wasn't able to prepare enough. I'm still trying to figure out the perfect study habits and finding out the best way to keep myself awake to study. Yes, four years in college and I still wasn't able to discover my optimal studying behavior because I am kalat-kalat like that. But med school's an all new academic world, and I'm absolutely sure that I have to put myself and my studying habits together soon or else I'll suffer the consequences.
Anyway, with the exams (we actually had two exams today, one lecture exam and one for histology lab) over now, the weight of becoming a doctor is now more real to me than ever. When I decided to pursue medicine, I certainly had an idea of what I'm getting myself into, but having my first dose of med school life right here and right now opened my eyes.
This is the life you chose, Bea.
You wanted this.
This is your dream.
It is indeed difficult and tiring, stressful and draining, and it will be like that for almost forever.
But you will survive. You will survive because you are for this.
Always think about why you are here and why you chose this life.
It's about love. It's about saving lives.
So no matter how many times you doubt yourself and your decision, no matter how many times you will get burned out and will want to give up, remember that it is all worth it in the end.
Remember that you're going to be a good doctor someday, and you'll be able to cure and help--just like you always dreamed of.
Okay, monologue done. Yay because I feel med-happy and inspired again :)
For the past weeks, it was all about studying, learning, studying, information overload, and studying, studying, studying (and some lazy moments here and there) that it came to a point that the stress and fatigue were overshadowing the zest that I have for medicine (to think that I'm not even halfway through my first sem). I need regular moments of reassurance like this to keep me on track and to remind me why I decided to take this crazily tedious path. Back to studying and learning not because I have to but because I want to. Everything would really be worth it in the end.
A lot of things have changed since I entered med school, some for the better and unfortunately, some for the worse. Here are some of my discoveries, realizations, and musings so far:
- I missed wearing uniform everyday. No more tardiness due to early morning attire indecisiveness!
- How to perk up the white uniform monotony? Fashionable shoes and jackets/cardigans/hoodies!
- But our uniform, without our nameplates on it, makes us look like yayas or caregivers. Haha.
- Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo is the study place to be. Cheap coffee. Cheap donuts. Cool, pleasant, and quiet ambiance. The only thing I don't like about the place is the lack of outlets. I can't study my medical ebooks there, boo.
- Too much donuts (trans fat much huhu) and coffee is taking its toll, though, and it's taking it's toll on my already large thighs fast. Bigger boo.
- Getting fat = a no-no when wearing uniform. My uniform is now a bit tight here and there and I hate it.
- In non-uniform and non-fatness news, I realized that in medicine, you really have to study study study to understand everything. Day in, day out. The amount of information is just so immense, you'll be eating medical concepts and terms three meals a day.
- The ideal study habit: Study for tomorrow's topic the night before, review notes/trans every after lecture. I will try to apply this starting tomorrow. Wish me luck.
- Medical school is so expensive, and it's not just the tuiton and the books. The endless transes and photocopied materials, the equipment, the highlighters and post-its, the food, the coffee and energy drinks.. Ang sakit-sakit lang sa bulsa.
- I realized that if I didn't enter med school, I would be earning my own money now. But here I am, still living on my parents' and brothers' support. And it'll still be like this for the next five years. Hay.
- I love how we have amazing, awesome doctors (both MD and PhD) as teachers! It's such a privilege to learn from great people who are leading in their respective fields and specialties.
- Having my med school pals around makes every toxic day a happy day :)
- And lastly, ice does wonders on facial pores and eye bags! Hihi.
