Rewind 2010

As I type this, it'll be 2011 in 48 minutes. There are booms and blags and pops and ratatatatats everywhere, and although I'm nursing a headache, I'm smiling amidst the noise, smoke, and chaos outside. Last year, I answered a year ender survey. As another year comes to an end, here I am answering the same survey again. Let's see what 2010 brought into my life.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’ve never done before?

Wore a bikini top (haha). Been extremely afraid and anxious. Cried in front of a professor. Entered med school. Moved on and let go. Went to the beach with friends/orgmates. Became an Atenean. Attended the Ateneo Bonfire. Physically examined a real patient. Watched my fave local band play live. Fell asleep in a coffee shop. Spent hours and hours in Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo. Went to Banchetto. Marshal-ed in a fun run. Rode a zipline. Was given a surprise birthday party. Graduated from UP. Went to a cadaver exhibit. Made a video for my dad on Father's day. Voted in the National Elections.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wasn't able to make any. Hahaha.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my cousins. Hello cute babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. Boo.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Again, more money! Haha. Hmm, proper med school study habits and exercise regimen, I guess? And more self confidence, self discipline and self efficacy please!

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Oh shocks, dates. I can't even remember the date of my college graduation! Hahaha. So let me list some events/experiences that I will always remember:

• Weeks of waiting for my Chem 31 grade. It was the most difficult phase of my life because so much were at stake: graduating on time, graduating with my batchmates, getting into med school, the hefty med school reservation fee, my ego, my parents' expectations, etc). But thankfully, everything went fine. Thank you so much, Lord :') Life-changing, really.
• Crying in front of Doc Q. Epic. Haha.
• First ever Up Dharma Down gig!
• Graduating from UP. Oyeah, I'm a UP grad! The lovely sunflowers pa! ♥
• That day when I became free :)
• ASMPH Batch 2015's first get-together at NYPD.
• Hello, med school!
• That night at Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo when Armi Millare went in and I was stunned to death. Borbs got me her autograph :">
• Beer and chips night!
• Bonding with my Tgang loves! Quiapo tarot-reading, Ukay shopping, conversations and drama over coffee, Rosario, and so much more!
• My 21st birthday!
• My surprise birthday party! Thank you super, Borbs :)
• Releasing our college yearbook right before XXX (October 10, 2010), as promised. My job as EIC is finally done :)
• ASMPH Semender Party at Bonifacio High Street (and the early morning after that :p)
• Getting my Cardiopulmo module grade
• December 24 :p
• Noche Buena ♥

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting into med school and being happy about it :) And releasing our college yearbook on time, wuptedoo!

9. What was your biggest failure?
My biggest failure would probably be not getting into PGH, but I've accepted it wholeheartedly. I actually don't think it's a failure anymore. Getting in would have been so great, but as long as I'll be a doctor someday, then I'm A-okay :)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious. The usual flu or fatigue every now and then. -- Same.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm, my med books? Haha. And Schneider highlighters!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
A lot! My family, my forever girlfriends, my college loves, my med school pals, and of course, Borbs :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

None :)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Transes, highlighters, photocopies, med school reviewers and books, Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Semestral break and Christmas break! Hahaha.

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2010?
Teenage Dream, Dynamite, and Just The Way You Are!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? – Happier, definitely.
Richer or poorer? – I guess richer, because I saved more money. But then I use it for my med school needs, so that's poorer me as well. Haha.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
REAL studying.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cramming and procrastinating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Spent it with my family. This year's noche buena was the best ever. Fun fun times :) Then we went to the Porciunculas and the Alfonsos, then spent some time with Kat after.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Hmm :)

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
It all started with The Big Bang, hey! And of couse How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and Glee. -- I wasn't able to really follow a series or a show this year, but I got to watch some episodes of the same programs.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
None :)

25. What was the best book you read?

Clinically-oriented Anatomy by Moore. Haha.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No new discoveries, I guess. I just loved Up Dharma Down, Coldplay, Katy Perry, and Taylor Swift more. Teehee.

27. What did you want and got?
Cardigans. A Littmann steth. A Domokun bag. Boat shoes. Pretty notebooks.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Despicable Me!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21 on my last birthday. I spent it at school (hello, cadaver dissection) and at Dunkin Donuts (cram reviewing, boo). We had a killer exam the following day, so no big celebrations for me. But thanks to Borbs and Kat, aside from all the people who greeted me, my birthday was simple yet happy. And a week after, Borbs held a surprise birthday party for me in UP, which was super duper sweet of him. My high school, college and med school friends were there. SOBRANG SAYA ♥

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the P700 M lotto pot. Hahaha!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Loud colors. Tucked-in tops. Shorts. Polos. Florals. Stripes. Casual vintage, basically.

32. What kept you sane?
My friends. My mom. Food. Sleep. My dreams.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
The Olsens. Rachel Bilson. Kate Beckinsale. Anne Curtis. -- Still them, plus Rachel Adams, Taylor Swift, Jessica Alba, Scarlet Johansson, Kate Bosworth, and Anne Hathaway.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The 2010 elections? Gaaah, I was (and still am) embarrassingly disconnected with the world because I don't get to watch TV or read the newspaper anymore. I learn about current events from Yahoo! Insider and from usap-usapans :|

35. Who did you miss?
My college and Psych Soc friends. My dad, too, because I didn't get to see him much this year.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Borbs and the rest of my med school pals :)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Studying is far different from learning.

Be patient for things will get better.

Prayers do move mountains.

The One above will never let us down. We just need to have faith.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

You'll get by with a smile :)

2 Cs

Consistency and clarity.

Because it's Christmas

Today, I'm happy.

I'm happy not just because I got tons of new clothes and bags from my mom and Kuya Andre, a pair of my dream boat shoes from Kuya Adrian, a light-weight and durable book stand from my Kris Kringle daddy Vince, a super cute Domokun bag and new pretty notebook from Borbs, and the other lovely and valuable presents that I received from my loved ones.

I'm happy not just because of all the scrumptious, mouth-watering food that I've eaten and will be eating: Christmas ham, oatmeal cookies, cakes, revel bars, fruit salad, paella, pasta, Lola's superb caldereta, etcetera etcetera.

What I'm most especially happy about is at this time of the year, specifically during Noche Buena, our family is complete, as in complete complete.

Our family is far from perfect; honestly, I can say that we're not a nice or good or okay family, even. We're actually pretty detached from each other, except for me, I guess, because I'm pesky and clingy to my both my parents and to my three brothers. But every Christmas eve, we get to be this one whole family. No pressures. No issues. No conflicts. Just pure, happy and genuine family together time. Noche Buena is always simple here in our home, but it's also always fun and happy.

How we gossiped about this person 0r that family as if we were chatty, juvenile teeny boppers;

How we remembered one of our past drivers who ate all the lobster tails we ordered years back in Baguio and required at least a Jollibee or Mcdo meal (no carinderia meals for him :|);

How Dad was so proud and happy when I gave him an Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health sticker for his car;

How we laughed so hard while opening Dad's gifts to each of us (we all received a USB-powered pen light from him, and he even gave himself one, too, gift wrapped and with a card hahaha);

How we disliked the red wine we received from a contractor but loved the 7-11-bought Tanduay Ice (tastes like Sprite);

How we remembered Ma's and our past househelpers' funny mishaps and lines;

How our youngest brother loved all the gifts that he received;

How we just ate so much, cried our hearts out laughing, and enjoyed each other's company.

These types of things happening are what I love the most about Christmas. They're priceless, and I would never ever replace them with anything in the world. I'm more than thankful that we have this one great family experience even if it's just once every year, and I thank the Lord for making it happen. It is in celebrating as a complete family that we celebrate His birth.

Happy, happy birthday, Jesus! Thank you so much for all the love and for blessing me with my loved ones :)

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! :)

Quickie

Sheltered

Shot in Quiapo

• So this is how being espresso-powered feels like. Add Kesha's Tick Tock (and some dancing and head-bobbing) and I think I can last until 5AM like this. I will make this Scope pubmat pretty!
• Hay.
• Last two exams, two management papers, and one management report to go! Fight, Bea!
• I'm seriously loving the Gastro-intestinal-Nutrition module :) Well, except the Biochem part.
• Learning how to actually count calories from food and knowing the exact amounts of food groups needed by the body made me more food-conscious. I love thinking about health. Haha.
• Winter Wonderland by Jason Mraz ♥
• Christmas shopping in a few!
• CHRISTMAAAS ♥

TODAY WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.

TODAY WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.

TODAY WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.

Being Super

Today, our prof brought her 6-year old son with her to class. While she was lecturing on how lipids are metabolized by the body, his son--bored and restless--took his pants down in the middle of the room and exposed his butt to everyone. Another time, he made peace signs on the projected slides. He counted the number of ATP produced in the metabolic reaction with us. He also adorably hugged his mom's hips while she was discussing.

We were undoubtedly distracted by him, but it was kind of a good distraction for me. I was inspired by the distraction, actually. That's two of my biggest dreams, right then and there. To be a good doctor and to be a good mother at the same time. It can be done, it can be done. Yay happy vibes :)

Acetyl CoA

Hello to a nerdy Biochem-filled weekend!

One step back.

My Source of Sanity

...my source of love and strength :)

Just messing around with my adorable mom, who I missed badly since I didn't see her for four days. Now I miss Dad, too :(

Okay, back to the liver. Effin' hepatic segmentation.

Trials

I don't want to rant about how draining my week had been anymore because nothing changes; every week in med school is hell week. It's just a cycle of trying to stay awake and alert to listen to endless lectures, trying to stay awake to study the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough, and trying to squeeze into your heads the endless lectures you didn't understand in class because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough but eventually failing to do so because they are just so much (and because you couldn't stay awake and alert enough to understand them all either). Week in, week out, life's like this. This is our reality as med students.

And I know, it'll also just be redundant and useless if I keep on complaining about how crazy med school is and how it sometimes takes the life out of me when med school life is inadvertently like that. I want to stop asking myself if I made the right decision in pursuing medicine. I want to stop being confused if this is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I want to stop doubting my capabilities and capacities as a person whenever I don't perform well as a med student.

But I just can't. I can't stop ranting. I can't stop being lost. I can't stop being anxious. I can't stop being afraid. Med school is testing me and pushing me to my limits, and I don't know if I can and want to still handle it. It's not just the work load, stress, and uncertainty, of course. A lot of other factors add to all this confusion. The bottom line remains, nevertheless, on whether my heart really lies in this profession or not.

Thankfully, having young, fresh grad doctors as preceptors somehow inspired me. Seeing them looking (gorgeously) youthful yet professional, knowing they got through 5++ years of info overload torture, hearing how great and adept they are in and out of class, and feeling how they are fulfilled to be where they are right now--all these made the craziness of med school a bit bearable. It really is tough, and no one can't do anything about it. But the dire work will definitely pay off after a couple of years, right? If I survive all these, I will be like the preceptors who I look up to now. If I just stop being so unmotivated and scared and push myself to do more, I will finish this and I will become a good doctor, too.

So push, Bea. Push.

:)

Lacking

Time

Sleep

Energy

Money

Motivation

Weirdest Dream

This is totally out-of-this-world, but I just have to blog about it: I dreamt that I was being raped through my pancreas and not through my vagina last night.

I KNOOOW, HOW. CAN. THAT. HAPPEN. Dr. Deo's lectures are so getting to me! WEIRD TALAGA! The GI tract, FTW! =))

Day 1: 30-day Challenge

I almost forgot about this one. Kat, Joyce, Mica and I were supposed to start this together, but our failed memories and eternal busy-ness messed our plan up. Mica started last week already. Kat and Joyce I think started theirs yesterday. So I'll start today.

1. How you're different on Tumblr (or Blogger) to how you are in real life.

Well, I usually speak in Filipino or Taglish in real life, except of course during interviews, school reports, group discussions, etc. I guess I am also more expressive and talkative online that I am in person. I can be really quiet, especially around people I am not familiar with. But if we're friends, I tend to be makulit most of the time. In real life, I usually deal and talk about medical school and its difficulties, unlike here online where I often blabber about my passion for arts and fashion and other non-academic-related girly-ness. Lastly, I like to laugh and smile. I don't know if my occasional online emoticons, hihis and hahas reflect that about my online self. Haha.

So that's about it :)

Bluer Than Blue

One sem break Monday, I went with my mom to the south to check out their project at NAIA 3. The sun was high and the sky was lovely blue, so I could not resist taking some photos.

The NAIA 3 landmark that my mom, dad, and brother are working on. Can't wait to see it when it's completely done!

We then drove to the The Fort to wait for my eldest brother. Hello, sky and skyscrapers.

White

I like white roses. Some find it weird because white roses, according to them, are for funerals. But I beg to differ. I find red roses to be overly.. Romantic, I guess? Not that I am not a hopeless romantic because I totally am. There is just something about how the beauty of white roses is so simple and pure and real that it makes me feel light inside. It makes me smile. I wish I could be as beautiful as a white rose.

Thank you to Borbs who gave me a large, pretty white rose on my birthday back in September. I wasn't able to capture a photo of it when it was still in its best blooming glory, but above are photos of it before all the petals fell off. I secured a couple of petals between the pages of one of my thick science books, I just can't remember which one. Heehee.

***

I Slept until 10 AM today. I didn't have to stop my phone's alarm from ringing because it wasn't able to wake me up to even the minutest level of consciousness. I was really exhausted from yesterday, I don't know why. Maybe it was because my shoes killed my feet. Or I felt bad because of the maggots and fungi that found their new home in our cadaver. Or I was just smitten tired by Dr. Reyes' greatness. Yet too bad for us med students crushing on him since he's married already. Haha.

Anyway, I had a number of dreams last night. I can't remember what they were exactly, but I do know that they were nice ones. And today, I'm feeling nice, too. Thank you for this non-working holiday, I can laze off a bit and rest. I'll be posting more photos later, study, then attend a meeting for our batch jackets.

I Can Make it Through the Rain

In commemoration of my long-awaited, much-adored, but recently concluded semestral break, allow me to look back and savor the lovely time I had with my family and friends with a couple of sem break posts. I enjoyed taking lots and lots of photos, and here are some of them.

***

Wawel visited me while I was in Tanay. It was a gloomy Friday afternoon, which kind of matched our mood then. Since rain was pouring on and off that day, we ended up hanging out under the comforts of the roofed asotea at the dike with our umbrellas, some junk food, my journal, and my colored pencils.

Wawel attempted to draw me. I wish I don't look like that in real life.

He ended up discovering my Hip Hob Abs DVD that was tucked in between my journal's pages. Hehe.

I saw this in the grocery and I just could not not buy it. It was green, plus it was sour cream. Nomnomnom. MSG-goodness.

We then walked a bit.

At the end of the dike, this sculpture stands in memory of the victims of Typhoon Ondoy.

Lastly, the beautiful old school light house of Tanay.

Who Are You?

Reminiscing

Nakakamiss ang UP.

Sunshine-y Day

Good morning :)

Despite not being able to sleep properly because noises in our kitchen woke me up and scared me like crazy (I blame it on Paranormal Activity 2 haha), this morning came up to be a pleasant one for me. I'm here in Tanay, having a vacation and helping my Dad and my brother. They don't have a regular househelper here, so here I am, being their semi-yaya/personal assistant for a week. I missed being with them so much, and I realized how I missed Tanay as well.

I woke up at 5AM to prepare breakfast and baon for Dad and Jay. Then I helped them prepare for work and school, edited our research methodology, took some random pictures here at home, and now, I'm surfing to my heart's delight while watching Grey's Anatomy. It's a wonder why I still have energy after having just three hours of sleep, but yay to enjoying my second to the last Friday of my sem break.

Later, I'll be drawing and coloring and sketching, and I'll be planning the rest of my sem break. Keep the happy vibes coming! :)

Hmmm

Something I grabbed from Tumblr. This seems really exciting, 'no? And at least I'll be motivated to post daily. Will start tomorrow, yay! :)

Edit: Will start this on the 13th na lang (What is the english term for nalang? Really, I've been thinking about it for so long already! Haha), together with my best girl friends :)

Tadhana

This song always reminds me of you :)

Memories

I can't really remember much about my childhood (hello, infantile amnesia), but this has got to be one of the most salient things that made my younger years. And Little Lulu. Haha. I'm a Cartoon Network baby ♥

Binge-eater

It's only day 3 of the sweet sem break, but I already mutated into a pig. See what I devoured yesterday:

• Carbonara
• Pancit Palabok
• Pancit Bihon
• Puto Pao
• Double Dutch ice cream
• Isaw
• Ensaymada
• Ding Dong mixed nuts
• Siomai
• Fruits
• Coke
• Asado Siopao

Binge-eating much, I know. After controlling my food intake in the past weeks, I crashed and nomnomnom-ed endlessly. Bakit kasi ang sasarap ng pagkain dito sa Tanay?! Hahaha. But it will stop now. As in NOW. Back to eating smart! Of course I'll still enjoy myself, but moderation is the key forever:

• Eat in proper proportions
• No rice and carbs
• More fruits and vegetables
• Occasional sweets and pastries
• Less coffee
• More tea (and Gatorade, my new love)
• EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE

I can't jog here in Tanay because there isn't a place that's conducive for jogging (or at least a place that I'm familiar with or at ease in), so I brought my Hip Hop Abs DVD. Haha.

I hope I lose and don't gain this sem break! For now, I will chill by watching Devil Wears Prada. Next movies: 21 and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yay!

FREEDOM

The past weeks had been excruciatingly tiresome and eventful, I can't even believe that I've survived it. The best part of it all? I can officially say that I am done with my first semester in med school. WHAT UP. WHAAAAT IS UP.

Okay, so maybe I might take a removal exam for the Cardio-Pulmo module. Or maybe not even half of what I learned in the past months would be retained in my head. But I am just so tired of studying that all I can think about is the awesome feeling of having nothing to do at all. And here I am, basking in that feeling. Ah, sweet, sweet freedom!

Things I learned/realized/experienced:

• I cannot donate blood because I am underweight. I even tried twice, in two different occasions. But then again, I feel fat. Well, I got really fatter. Ask my friends. I just don't know why my weight more or less stays the same and yet I have definitely grown unwillingly horizontal.
• Tummy size is directly proportional to stress.
• I lost my stethoscope. Perfect opportunity to buy a Littmann steth? Haha.
• Sleep = death, most especially during the night before the exam. I should never ever trust my forever-alarm clock-snoozing self again.
• Shopping for a party dress three hours before the party is a bad idea.
• I really need to study study. I am not learning :(
• I missed dressing up. Being in uniform five times a week should be enough motivation for me to dress up during weekends and not just settle for my quick, hassle-free, regular apparel (AKA loose shirt and shorts).
• Inspect, palpate, percuss, auscultate.
• Staring blankly into space = new hobby.
• Goodbye, Pulmonology. There's no way I'm having you as my specialization.
• The strongest people can be the weakest ones because of love :(
• I worry too much.
• My Photoshop skills are rusty already :-s
• Wild Card was great! Congrats to everyone, especially to Borbs and Aileen! :)
• I really missed you :)

Yaaaay, free time at last! ♥

Why am I crying over this?

GAAAAAH.

So Many Questions

1. Why am I a mediocre in everything? I don't know what I'm good at anymore. It seems that all that I do end up in so-sos. It makes me sad.

2. Why are so many hearts breaking? I can't take it that a lot of people dear to me are experiencing what I experienced before. Love shouldn't hurt like that :(

3. Why am I thinking about you when I shouldn't anymore?

4. Why am I unmotivated? Oh I know that answer to this question: SEMBREAK. Three. More. Weeks.

5. I've been here before, but really, how do you actually know know?

GAAAAAAAH.

AGrkjhareQfG3495YGeDfk. E@grgeEgragfege*hknrgawefv. AKfhnebfrleseer45. hEkfnRERejrgWtgnjrs!!!!

fjfesjrefgfrstf.

@_@

:((

=((

:-s

:|



Who's stressed?

Cakes Donuts Pastries Yogurt Hello Panda

It sucks that I have so many YUMMY sweet stuff that's ready for some sweet devouring, but I can't eat them because I have a sore throat :(

(Or I do eat a piece or some spoons or a slice, then gobble on some Strepsils right after HAHAHA)

Anyway, a birthday post soon! Yay to 21 years!

For My New Blog Reader

Welcome!

And thank you for today ♥

Being the EIC

Our 2nd yearbook proof is on my lap right now, and I just can't help but feel proud and happy.

Onti na lang. Onti na lang talaga :)

Another Year

In a couple of days, I'll be turning 21.

Twenty-one.

Bente uno.

10+10+1.

2NE1.

Okay, ang corny ko na. Haha.

But really, 21? I can't believe how fast I've grown already! Back when I was still in grade school, I would always imagine myself as a mature, sophisticated, confident, accomplished, and strong 20-something-year-old. But looking at my actual self now.. Uhh. 'Yun lang. Uhh lang. Hahaha.

But then Psychology taught me that ideal selves are really just ideal selves. We could aim to be our ideal selves, but what matters first and foremost is our actual selves and how we deal with our own realities. So what is my current reality? Apparently, there's med school. And studying. And more studying. And much more studying. Of course my med school social life is awesome, if not too much, actually. I have great friends and a supportive family. But basically, that's it. My life now simply revolves around med school and how to survive it.

And so as I turn 21, let me list down the things that I would love to have/do/accomplish, both med and non-med-related, before the year ends. Yes, before the year ends is a pretty long time, but with med school, being realistic is the key to everything. Haha. So here is a wild mix of my resolutions, aspirations, dreams, wishes, and luhos that I plan on making come true for the remaining months of 2010:

• Get good grades, especially for the toxic Head and Neck module.
• A brown, spacious vintage body bag.
• Avoid coffee and drink more tea. My hands trembled like crazy the last time I drank a grande iced Caffe Mocha. I haven't drank coffee ever since. Although these don't wake me up the same way coffee does, the Lyons Jasmine Tea that I bought and the Oolong Tea that Ma got me from her recent trip to China are doing wonders for my digestion, so yay.
• Lose ze extra pounds by eating more fruits and vegetables, cutting down on the sweets (no more donuts!), fast food and junk food, and consuming only half a cup of rice for every main meal.
• Try to exercise at least twice a week.
• Visit an art gallery.
• Watch a play.
• A Rockin' Body DVD! No YouTube or downloadable ones available online yet eh :(
• Determine the perfect study habits for me. Where? What time? What strategy? Books or trans or both books and trans?
• Save up! P200-savings every week.
• Go to Cubao X.
• Frozen yogurt, always and forever.
• Stick to my beauty regimen. My goal: get clearer, more radiant, less porous skin.
• Paint. I've been planning on painting my own canvass bag, but I haven't gotten the chance to buy a plain canvass bag nor to sew myself one.
• New paintbrushes. Mine's a bit dilapidated already, especially sizes 3, 5, and 11.
• Take more photos. I hope I could go somewhere and just shoot shoot shoot photos. Or a random, wala lang photoshoot would also be nice. Be my model? Hehehe.
• Collect more pretty notebooks/journals/pads.
• Bite Club burger/Wendy's Baconator/Charlie's burger, or any enormous and grilled hamburger!
• Blog at least thrice a week.
• A new camera with nice MP. Or a toy/lomo/polaroid camera!
• Girly boat shoes. I'm saving up for a Sole Service Manila pair.
• Learn how to apply make-up.
• Bake cupcakes. I was initially planning on saving up for an oven, but that's me going overboard. Change of profession na? Haha. So the opportunity to make and bake some cupcakes somewhere (hmm, at my Lola's? I actually have no idea where yet haha) would be more than enough for me.
• Go to my dentist and have my braces adjusted after so long. Ako na ang pasaway na pasyente.
• An Ateneo jacket.
• An Ateneo shirt.
• Pretty, artistically-made, and creative Adarna children's books. So far, I have five. Time to expand my collection.
• Have long hair that's wavy at the ends (but I don't think my hair will grow long enough for that this year, boo).
• Get a massage and a foot spa.
• Watch an Up Dharma Down gig.
• Eat at Banchetto.
• Ride the Pasig Ferry again.
• More maong shorts, lovely skirts and dresses, and breezy, loose tops.
• Try to visit Dad and Jay in Tanay at least once a month.
• Play frisbee.
• Use the roller skates my mom bought me in China. Haha.
• Go to the beach. But first, I must strive for a beach body. Haha.
• A Domokun bag! I saw a girl in Ortigas with a Domokun backpack, so there's probably one in Greenhills.
• Watch all episodes of How I Met Your Mother, Grey's Anatomy, and The Big Bang Theory. I miss Barney, McDreamy, and Sheldon!
• Join an art competition, kahit small-time lang. Just so I could exercise my right hemisphere.
• An external hard drive or a high-capacity flash drive.
• Hugs please. Me loves hugs!
• Play basketball (on a real basketball court and not just arcade basketball haha).
• Learn to prioritize.

Why A Medical Profession?

Reposted from one of my old blogs:

Simple lang 'yan. Medicine is not for everyone talaga. Ilan ilang tao lang ang dapat maging doktor.

Kung gusto mo mag-abroad, mag-nursing ka.
Kung gusto mo maging prestigious, mag-politics ka.
Kung gusto mo sumikat, mag-artista ka.
Kung gusto mo yumaman, mag-business ka.

Pero kung gusto mo talaga maging manggagamot sa kabila nang lahat, kung gusto mo talaga tumulong sa kapwa mong maysakit, kung alam mo na wala kang ibang gustong gawin kundi magdoktor, kung alam mo matalino at matiyaga ka, at kayang bayaran ng magulang mo ang matrikula mo, mag-medisina ka. Kung kaya mong maghirap, magpuyat, magsakripisyo ng 10 taon mahigit, mag-medisina ka. Kung ayaw mo, huwag mo, at huwag magpapilit sa magulang.

-eclipse83, Peyups forum

All Piled Up

Even my cute stuffed toy is pooped because of med.

Facing Death

I know I've either been microblogging or posting in bullets lately because it's easier and quicker. Blame it on my wicked med school schedule and requirements. But reading my previous posts, I realized that short and structured entries still aren't the same as entries made of strings of words and paragraphs. It's like there's something missing; it's as if the spirit of the post is lost without an accompanying story-telling to it. Or maybe I just missed writing lengthy entries.

Whatever it is, at least here I am, trying to compose a decent paragraph-filled entry again. There's actually so many things to write about if I only had the time, and it's sad that I wasn't able to write about them when the memories were still fresh and real. So now, I'll just type type type away and see where my current sabaw and coffee-fueled self will take me.

***

They say that you're officially a medical student when you start cadaver dissection. It's been more or less three weeks since we entered that particular phase of our med school life, and all I can say is that it's been life-changing.

I dissected a frog, a cat, and even a cockroach before, but dissecting an actual human being is certainly different. Faaaar different. Although a part of me has grown quite used to the tedious slicing and cutting done almost everyday, the whole experience of opening a body of a person is still somehow unreal to me. I think it's probably because our cadaver's face is still covered with cheese cloth, and all we got to see and touch recently were his upper and lower extremities. Possibly, the fact that I haven't seen his face--how his lips curve, what shade his eyebrows are, how his nose look, or what facial expression he left before he passed away--is why I can carry on dissecting him without being scared or at least moved in an all new level.

I know I shouldn't be scared. I should even be thankful because this person gave his body for us to learn and be able to save people in the future. But honestly, I can't help but be afraid. Why? Because I am afraid of losing people. I am afraid of death.

Having a cadaver in front of me reminded me of how people can come and go so instantly. In a snap of a second, in a flash of light, in a speck of a moment, we can lose the people we love. And it made me think about the people who our cadaver left behind. I know it's none of my business, but certain questions brushed my mind: Do his loved ones know that he's gone? Why didn't they claim his body? Do they know where he is? Do they miss him?

In addition, I thought about how death will inevitably arrive, whether we like it our not. We can likewise lose our own lives in a snap of a second, in a flash of light, in a speck of a moment. This then made me wonder about our cadaver and the person who he was. Did he know he was about to die when he did? What was he like? What did he do? What were the things that he loved? What were his fondest memories? What defined his life?

I know all these questions of mine will remain as questions. Next week, we will be able to see our cadaver's face as we dissect his head and neck. Although I'm still not ready, I am hoping that wherever our cadaver is right now, he is aware that we are very grateful for the sacrifice that he offered to us and that we will not put his gift to waste. Also, I would like to thank him for reminding me that not only is life lived, but is it is also shared. And it is never too late to make a difference in other people's lives, just like how he made a difference in mine.

Thank you for sharing your life to us. May God bless your soul.

Domokun!

Gaaah, I want!

Butterflies

Instantly fell in love with this mash up.

This song also rocks my socks.

Oh, love :)

It's during times like these when my passion, strength, and determination are tested.

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for.

-from "You Are Jeff," by Richard Siken

Thankful

Everything's just so simple and safe and happy with you around :)

I am a stressed, fat, mediocre, and ugly med student who won't (or shouldn't) be sleeping tonight :(

It's 3:56 AM and I'm still all smiles.

Things that made me smile this weekend:

• Visiting UP
• Bonding with college pals
• Catching Up Dharma Down in Katipunan
• Having our picture taken with Armi
• Mushroom Burger
• No-whip green tea frap with hazelnut
• Zombie and Martini
• Yearbook meeting accomplished
• Getting semi-lost in Bambang
• A lovely set of scrubs
• Shared Wendy's Baconator
• Medical supplies shopping
• Marty's Baconette strips
• Red Horse
• Chill time
• A sweet revelation :)

Lethargy

My dose of energy + my dear B- and T-lymphocytes

***

Greetings from Starbucks Megamall. I just had to take a break from histology, hematology ang immunology, hence the random camera phone photo and post.

How I wish I could simply laze around and stare into outerspace.

P.S. The baristas here let me try drawing on the Starbucks blackboard. I (awfully) sketched a Coffee Jelly frap. That's one down out of my gazillion dreams in life :)

I am going to be a good doctor someday.

I am going to be a good doctor someday.

I am going to be a good doctor someday.

Get-happy

Before I carry on with my daily crazy night life, I would just like to take note of the things that made me sane and jolly recently. I was inspired by http://1000awesomethings.com/ and I realized that acknowledging the big and small things that make life so worth living is the key to survival, contentment, and happiness :)

So here's the list:

• Being able to get a good score in today's Cell Module final exam. No removals for me, yahoo!
• Starbucks no-whip green tea frappuccino
• P23.75-worth ear plugs
• Strepsils
• Wake-up-because-you-need-to-study phone calls
• Get-happy food from Borbs: Meiji chocolate, Flat Tops, and a Pepperoni bun
• Hugs from my mom
• Seeing Armi Millare of Up Dharma Down at Dunkin Donuts El Pueblo
• Getting her autograph through Borbs
• My mom and brothers' attempts of waking me up
• Scofield, our shih tzu
• The great and wacky company of my friends
• Finally watching Inception (but I fell asleep in the middle. Major fail, I know)
• Discovering Fliptop
• Losing and finding my phone (I dropped it inside the FX we rode on. Thankfully, the one sitting beside us found and returned it)
• Jogging in Ultra
• Dinky's isaw
• Fruits
• Ladies' Hip-hop dance (I joined the workshop for fun, and it was great!)
• Having heard the former DOH secretary Esperanza Cabral talk about herbal and alternative medicine
• Wasabi, my cozy beanie
• Doodling and coloring
• Vintage polka dots
• Frozen yogurt
• Yahoo Messenger conference kwentuhan
• Checklists
• Sleep
• Alo Green Tea

Happy!